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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958134">Invictus</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas'>PatchworkIdeas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>WinterFRE 2020 [24]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure, Alternate Universe - The Witcher Fusion, Developing Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I add notes on every Chapter for anything Witcher related, I just use the Setting, M/M, Mentions of Attempted Rape and Sexual Assault, No The Witcher Characters either, No The Witcher Knowledge Required, This plays 150 years before The Witcher Series, Wiedźmin | The Witcher-Typical Violence, so:</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:33:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili might be a Witcher, but he has no intention of walking the Path.<br/>Fili might be a Mage, but he has plans that have nothing to do with the Brotherhood.<br/>Destiny might have separated these brothers, but they never stopped searching.<br/>Now finally reunited again, they vow to write their own fate - together.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>No Prior Witcher Knowledge Required!</b></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>WinterFRE 2020 [24]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>GatheringFiKi - Winter FRE 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Written for Prompt Nr.120:<br/>FiKi - The Witcher AU (One exists to kill monsters and is not supposed to have feelings. The other is a mage playing a dangerous game)</p><p>Welcome!<br/>I might have written this in the Witcher World, but I want this story to be accessible to everyone! So I've written up some basic info for those who don't know The Witcher. The links will bring you to the wiki page in question if you want to know more, though my short explanation should be all you need to know to understand this story.</p><p>Setting: Fantasy World similar to Medieval Europe - with <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Magic">Magic</a> and <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Monster">Monsters</a>.<br/>It is set around the beginning of the 11th century of their time, roughly 150 years before the events of The Witcher.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Witcher">Witcher</a> are mutated humans, stronger, more enduring, made and trained to hunt monsters. This is called walking the path. They are not very popular, with lots of rumours about. Some are true, some not.<br/>They get recruits through orphans and the <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Law_of_Surprise">Law of Surprise</a>:<br/>It is evoked when someone is saved - the "gift" of thanks is something unknown to both parties. An example of the Law of Surprise: "What you find at home yet don't expect."<br/>This can be something simple and unimportant - or an (unborn) child.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Mage">Mages</a> are taken away to be trained in a school, separated by gender, so that their powers don't go out of control or turn them insane. This is not something the young mage is given a choice in. </p><p>That's all of it for this Chapter I think, though feel free to let me know if you have any further questions!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The man is tall and rough and scary. His face is hidden in shadow, but Kili thinks he can see a cruel smile on his face. (He can't, he can't, he knows he can't.)<br/>
His mother begs and pleads.</p><p>"Not Kili, not my child. Please, anything but that."</p><p>Over and over and over, a chorus, a background, a litany running into each other.</p><p>He only wanted to come home.<br/>
He played tag with Fili and got lost.<br/>
Uncle would be so angry when he realized that Kili wasn't with him on their first hunting trip anymore. He wasn't supposed to wander off, but Kili thought, if he just found his way back home, maybe the punishment would be less severe.<br/>
He might have even gotten some praise for his fledgling tracking skills, finding his way back all on his own.</p><p>But his mother is holding him, crying, while the man pulls Kili out of her arms, hands like claws and a cruel laugh that echoes in his head, as terrifying as it’s false.</p><p>But the voice is truth, cold, lifeless, entirely without emotion.<br/>
Or mercy.</p><p>"It is destiny."</p><p>-</p><p>Kili wakes, breath loud for just a second before it steadies and calms. He can hear his fellow Witcher trainee's stir, can almost feel their lust for blood, intent to go for the kill if they sense any weakness at all.</p><p>They aren't meant to feel.<br/>
They are emotionless, deadly weapons in human form.<br/>
He has seen what happened to the others, each slip of emotion a spectacle, a warning, a lesson.<br/>
He bears the scars on his back, from before.<br/>
Before he learned, before he hid, before he took his precious memories, homesickness, fear and anger and everything else he isn't supposed to have but does - and swallowed them, deep, deep, deep where none but him can reach them.<br/>
The warmth of his mother's voice.<br/>
His father's strong arms, and stronger hugs.<br/>
His uncle's indulgent looks.<br/>
His brother's laughter when they played.<br/>
He takes these things out like tiny jewels, just for himself, in the dead of night, terrified to lose them, horrified of each detail that slowly faded away.</p><p>He doesn't know where they would be, always on the move before.<br/>
Kili isn't supposed to search for them.<br/>
He is supposed to hunt and kill and be without need or want.<br/>
He is supposed to be what they molded him into.<br/>
He is supposed to come back.</p><p>Kili resists the urge to swallow, breathing calm and collected, not a hint of his racing mind.<br/>
His heartbeat is still, has been still for years now, as much as he thinks it should run out of his chest from the strain.<br/>
He hides his jewels close to it anyway.</p><p>Just a few more days.<br/>
Just a few more days until he would leave Stygga Castle to walk the Path.<br/>
He isn't supposed to stray.<br/>
Just looking for monsters and monsters in human skin.<br/>
For the highest bidder for his skills.</p><p>He isn't supposed to stray, but he will.<br/>
Just a few more days and he can leave, never to return.</p><p>They say the world is cruel out there, and this their only home.</p><p>Kili can't imagine any place crueler than this.</p><p>It’s no home of his.</p><p>-</p><p>Fili knows there's a price on his head. </p><p>It had been a stupid decision, as much as it had been one at all.<br/>
It was self-defense, no doubt about it, but that mattered little when the pig he killed happened to be a baron. A baron he was supposed to work for, report to the Brotherhood on.<br/>
His first assignment, and the bastard thought…</p><p>It had seemed so smart when he first accepted it. Set himself up with a powerful man to advise, use the resources to find a trail long gone cold, due to his blasted magic manifesting when it did.</p><p>Fili knows he couldn’t have stopped the Witcher, even if he had managed to catch up to him.</p><p>But Kili had been his responsibility.<br/>
And he had let him slip through his fingers.<br/>
He had lost years in that blasted academy, until he could control the magic in his veins and at his fingertips.<br/>
All so he could find his little brother again.</p><p>All in vain. Because he couldn’t just keep still, let it happen; because his magic lashed out like a wild beast, terrified of what was being done to him.</p><p>And now he has a Witcher on his trail. </p><p>He sets up the grounds, lays traps, prepares what he can to have even a chance of survival.<br/>
He knows he can't keep running.<br/>
It will just tire him out, make him easier to kill.</p><p>Fili will try to reason with the Witcher first, despite the rumors saying they’re all heartless monsters. Perhaps he can get some information on Kili from this disaster at least.<br/>
Perhaps he can at least find out if he still lives. </p><p>Fili has done what he can, but he knows his chances are still abysmal.</p><p>He feels the Witcher step into his pocket world, into his illusion, and feels the breath freeze in his lungs.</p><p>Kili.</p><p>Fili is certain of it.<br/>
Kili is older, of course, and his warm chocolate eyes have changed to sickly yellow, but his hair remains the same, still long even, and his nose, the shape of his mouth, that scar over his eyes that had stemmed from a training accident...</p><p>Fili doesn't know whether to praise or curse his luck.<br/>
His own brother has been send to kill him.<br/>
And Fili will never be able to harm him, not his precious little brother, the one person his every thought and decision has been for since he was twelve.</p><p>But maybe he should praise it, for Kili's eyes widen, just that little bit, and Fili would have missed it if he hadn’t been staring at his brother so intensely.<br/>
Fili has dreamed of this moment for well over a decade now, but now that it’s here...</p><p>Kili doesn't move to attack, and neither does Fili.</p><p>"They said you killed the baron. Is that true?" Kili’s voice is calm and collected, and so much deeper than Fili remembers, and he wonders if he lost his chance. Maybe the only chance he had. But he has to try, and lying won't help.</p><p>"I did, and I don't regret it. He tried to force himself on me, wouldn't accept my refusal. Being a mage doesn't make me a whore - or a possession."</p><p>Kili's eyebrows sink just fractions instead of inches, so little that Fili can't help but wonder if he has imagined it at all. Has his lively, warm brother truly lost his ability to feel? Does he even remember? Fili has to know.</p><p>"You are Kili of Cadarn Bryn, are you not? Stolen by destiny, when your brother broke his promise and lost sight of you."</p><p>And this time he doesn't imagine the way Kili's eyes warm up, the subtle change in his body language. It's not as pronounced as it once was, but it's <i>there</i>.</p><p>"It wasn't your fault, Fee. I was young and careless and stupid." Kili's voice can't be called emotional, but it isn't cold, isn't neutral anymore.<br/>
Fili will take what he can get.</p><p>"I tried to take you back. That's how my powers manifested. I couldn't control them, not anywhere near well enough, and I just recently managed to leave the Academy to start my search for you. I swear, on my life and my love for you, that I never stopped thinking of you."</p><p>And maybe Kili's emotions are clouded, suppressed, destroyed at worst, but Fili can't stop the tears falling.</p><p>Kili looks at him, sighs, and in a long suffering voice asks him.</p><p>"Are you going to kill anyone else?"</p><p>Fili shakes his head, immediately. He hadn't <i>meant</i> to kill the baron, he just wanted him to <i>stop</i>.<br/>
He might be a mage, but he's not a killer, not a monster, whatever the wanted posters might say.</p><p>"Then disarm the traps. I'm not going to hop around like an idiot trying to reach you past them."</p><p>And Fili laughs, because Kili used to hop around like an idiot, trying to get to Fili past imagined traps and lava fields, taking the shape of loose clothing in their room, branches or moss or just odd stones outside.<br/>
Kili had loved that game.</p><p>Still.</p><p>Fili breathes deep, gathering his courage. If he’s wrong, just a sentimental fool, if the rumors are true, this will be his last day. He has used up almost all his power setting up the traps.</p><p>But considering that Kili is aware of them, they probably wouldn't have worked anyway.</p><p>Fili lets his power reach out, closing his eyes and deactivating each spell one by one. The world around them changing, twisting until they are standing in the middle of the woods, twilight already setting in.</p><p>Kili is bathed in shadows, his expression lost, but Fili stays still when his brother approaches nonetheless.<br/>
He won't run, not from Kili. Never from Kili. Never again.</p><p>Warm arms surround him, hold him, his brother so much taller now but still as warm.<br/>
They hold on to each other, long into the night. </p><p>In the coming days and weeks and months and years, they will sit in front of fires, plan where to go, and admit who they had become - and how - in the dead of night, with the darkness cradling them.<br/>
Kili will laugh again, where no one else can hear, and Fili will find proof that not even Witcher training can beat the life and love out of his brother.<br/>
There will be monster fights, and sometimes brother fights, eventually slipping and sliding into lover fights without them quite realizing the change.<br/>
They will never leave each other, the years of separation already too much and a burning need for each other’s company in both of them. They are outcasts, but what does that matter - they have this.<br/>
They hold and support each other when the cruelty gets too much, when burning anger that should not exist bursts out, when magic sparks and burns and people only see what they can use, not the people beneath the tools.<br/>
They travel south, farther and farther, always work for a monster slayer and a mage, even if never quite enough.<br/>
Destiny might have changed them, but it didn't destroy them.<br/>
And they end each day, come fight or peace, storm or perfect skies, arm in arm and side by side, never to part again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>New note, January 2021: This was written about a year ago, during the Raffle. My style has changed since then, especially the tense I use, but I'm leaving it up as I wrote it. Always nice to look back on how I've grown - and I do still like it. </p><p>(Old) Personal Note:<br/>I did a lot of research for this one.<br/>It was fun playing puzzle with Witcher Facts and what I wanted for this story. I’m proud to say I managed to keep it inside the Witcher Canon while still being able to tell my story how I wanted to tell it. Canon adherence isn’t necessary of course, but there’s something about referencing and researching a fandom I had next to no knowledge on and then seeing it all come together.<br/>I already have the second chapter written, and lots and lots of notes and references for everything, so I’m hoping to write more for it still. Consider this another open ended verse.<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Brotherhood_of_Sorcerers"> The Brotherhood of Sorcerers</a> is an organisation that regulates magic use. Most magic users are part of it. While not technically a political power, they often send their members to advise important people, especially kings, and as such have a wide circle of influence. </p><p>Both <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Witcher">Witcher</a> and <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Mage">Mages</a> age very slowly.<br/>Mages have a ritual to permanently change the way they look - at a high, physical cost. Male Mages (Sorcerers) usually choose to look older, to portray wisdom and dependability. Female Mages (Sorceresses) usually choose attractive looks to better manipulate and gain positions of power. Some mistake them for whores for that reason.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why do you look so young anyway? Especially considering...” Kili asked him while cleaning his blade. Steel, not silver.</p><p>Fili sighed.</p><p>“Because I didn’t take the Brotherhood up on the offer when they asked.”</p><p>Kili kept looking at him, eyebrow raised.</p><p>“...I was looking for you. I didn’t want to risk you not recognizing me.”<br/>
Fili continued, reluctantly. All grown up and a Witcher to boot, and Fili still couldn’t not cave to him.</p><p>Maybe it had even gotten harder, now that they were finally back together.</p><p>“Why not change now then? You don’t seem too happy with it.”</p><p>Fili grit his teeth, hands still twitching for his own dagger. He considered if he could just ignore the question, but didn’t know what would be worse: Kili hounding him for an answer like he did as a kid, or Kili dropping it, silence and secrets settling between them. </p><p>He should probably know anyway, what with them traveling together now.</p><p>Fili pulled out his dagger and presented it to Kili with a familiar flourish. Fili had shown that move off just a few days before Kili was taken. He had been so proud to finally have a good grip on using daggers, with the promise of sword training in his future. He never did learn that, but he kept up his skills with the dagger, hidden in his room at the academy. It had been practical, but mostly it just reminded him of home.</p><p>“That’s what I’m good at. Enchanting. Be it weapons, clothing into armor, spells and illusions weaved into beads.” Fili watched his brother examine the dagger, test it’s weight and balance. Fili swallowed, a stone in his throat. By now, Kili could probably use that dagger to much better effect than Fili could. He had tried, but there’s only so much a twelve year old could do without a teacher.</p><p>Kili nodded at him, satisfied with his work. </p><p>“It’s good.” Kili said. Good. It was bloody fantastic work, considering it was his old training dagger from so long ago. Kili probably hadn’t even realized that. Fili forced himself to remember that Kili was a Witcher now, not the overemotional kid he used to be. It was probably <i>meant</i> as high praise.<br/>
Fuck, he missed his little brother. Even if he was right there.</p><p>Fili hid the dagger again, and reluctantly continued.</p><p>“Just like everyone else, mages have things they are good at and things they dislike. I’m best when I work with items, but I’m shitty at spells that focus on me.<br/>
And it’s not like I can go back to the brotherhood and ask nicely, after… So, I’m stuck like this.”</p><p>Fili was well aware that a lot of people would kill to look like him: Mane like a lion, face like a god, body of a young Adonis. He probably would have enjoyed it even, if he wasn’t also a mage. As is, both together tended to make people think he had <i>chosen</i> to look like this. Which apparently amounted to a giant ‘I’m here to fuck’ sign hanging around his neck.<br/>
They had only been traveling together for a month now, and he hadn’t been out of the academy for much longer.<br/>
And, without fail, he was hit on in every bloody city they passed.<br/>
And, now, apparently even outside of them.</p><p>The bandits had it coming probably, even if they hadn’t made it clear what exactly they had wanted to do to him, but at this point Fili was thoroughly sick of it all. </p><p>“I don’t mind.” Kili offered into the growing silence, pulling Fili out of his thoughts. At Fili incredulous look he continued, “I like that you look like you, that we look almost the same age. And I’m not going to let any of the fuckers lay a hand on you anyway.”</p><p>“I can protect myself.” Fili answered reflexively. It was true, but as Fili saw Kili nodding, jaw just that bit tighter, cleaning rag soaked with the bandits blood, he reconsidered. “But… thank you. For watching my back. I do appreciate it.”</p><p>And Kili smiled back at him, for just a split second, before stiffening and looking away.<br/>
Fili remembered that smile. Soft and warm and just a tiny bit mischievous, laughter dancing in his eyes. Kili used to wear it all the time as kid.<br/>
He was reminded again that his little brother was still in there, just buried, hiding.<br/>
Kili hadn’t said much about his time with the Witchers, but Fili had seen the scars. They had told him plenty.</p><p>He would drag his little brother out of that grave, out of that mindset that gave the Witchers their monstrous reputation. Fili might not have been able to save him as a child, to prevent this at all, but he was here now. </p><p>He pulled Kili close, as always ignoring that initial stiffening before Kili melted into him. He had worried at first, but Kili never pulled back, never gave him any sign that he <i>wanted</i> to be emotionless. So Fili would keep digging. For the rest of his life if need be.</p><p>“I’ve got yours, too. You don’t have to hide.”</p><p>They had each other now. Everything else they could figure out on the way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here's the long promised second chapter. I'm not sure if I'll end up writing more for this verse - I had some cool ideas but it's been a while and the Witcher World is a bit darker than what I usually write. So I'm calling it complete for now. If there's still interest for it though, or questions you want answered, let me know.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A big Thank You to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiliLover/pseuds/KiliLover">KiliLover</a>, who gave me the motivation to pick this verse up again! And also to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/chdancer/pseuds/chdancer">chdancer</a> and all my lovely, wonderful readers.<br/>You guys are awesome and I love you!</p><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Dimeritium">Dimeritium</a>: A Metal that prevents magic use. Its described as incredibly painful for magic users - though there have also been cases of mages forced to wear it for decades in punishment, so it's not deadly in itself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been months. Mostly quiet, peaceful months - if he ignored the monster hunts and the contracts and Fili's endlessly annoying and rude admirers. Lowlife Bastards, but nothing against a Sorcerer and a Witcher.</p><p>Maybe that was why they had let down their guard. They were in a nice tavern, people too busy partying and celebrating one thing or another to pay too much attention to two strangers. Nice atmosphere, good food, better drinks. What more could anyone want? Who would be stupid enough to start a serious fight on a merry night like this?</p><p>Kili should have remembered the first rule of a Witcher: Never, ever, let down your guard.</p><p>But he had, and now Fili was in danger and everything was going to hell in a hand basket.</p><p>They had caught Fili in the loo. In the fucking bloody loo, trousers around his ankles, shackles around his wrists and Kili wouldn't have known if his ears hadn't picked up on the scuffle, the screams behind the gag. Wouldn’t have known if his senses weren’t all attuned to Fili these days, even in the midst of a busy tavern and two rooms away.</p><p>One had tried to take him through a portal. Kili saw his head sail through it just before it closed, leaving Fili safely on this side. As safely as possible, surrounded by hostile Mages.<br/>
Kili got ready to fight together like they usually did - but Fili didn’t get up. He was shaking, sweating, doubled up as if in pain, and Kili didn't know what they had done to him, there was no blood, none but what had splattered on him when Kili beheaded his captor. He couldn’t smell Fili's blood, but they had done something to him and they would <i>pay.</i></p><p>Kili felt the anger overtake him, his vision growing as red as the blood of his enemies, splattered all around. He didn’t hear the screams, didn't hear the pleading, didn’t hear anything over the roar of blood and pain and revenge.<br/>
He only heard Fili's labored breaths, one after the other.<br/>
And then a faint lullaby, hummed in a familiar voice.<br/>
Fili was clinging to him, suddenly - when had he stood up? - humming that tune their mother would sing after they had a nightmare.</p><p>Fili was all but sacking against him.</p><p>Kili removed the gag with one hand, holding his brother and his sword with the other.</p><p>There were no more enemies, just blood, drenching the street, limbs strewn all over.</p><p>"We need to leave. Now." Fili hacked at him, his voice reedy and thin, in obvious pain.</p><p>Kili lifted him up, carrying him to the nearby stables - the flowing alcohol in the tavern must have masked most of the sound, the captors supposed advantage now their own.<br/>
Kili didn't know who the horse belonged to, he just lifted his brother on it and rode them both out as far as it would go. And when, hours later, the beast faltered, Kili left it behind, and carried his brother on his own back instead.</p><p>Fili had lost consciousness a while back, whatever they had done to him robbing him of all strength, but Kili could see no wound, nor sense any poison, and so he did the only thing he could - he ran, through the dawn and the noon, staying far away from any roads and anything that made noise, that might give them away.<br/>
When the sun was starting it's decent again Fili finally woke.</p><p>"Kili?"</p><p>"I'm here. We're far away now, though I'm not sure exactly where. Just south. Are you okay? What did they do to you?!"</p><p>Kili knew he didn't sound anything like what a Witcher should right now, his behavior a certain doom, a trip to the cellar never to be seen again if he were still at Stygga Castle - but he was not, and this was Fili, and Fili was more important than anything they had tried to beat into him.</p><p>"The shackles. It's Dimeritium. Anti Mage. You have to get them off."</p><p>They had made carrying Fili easier - but he should have guessed they weren't normal ones. They just hadn't felt strange, hadn't felt like anything at all, and Kili had his senses primed for bigger threats.</p><p>Beating himself up for his negligence, he carefully set Fili down before fiddling with the lock.</p><p>"Guess you haven't forgotten that, huh?" Fili asked when he was free, rubbing his wrists.</p><p>"Kept training. It's not exactly taught but it's not forbidden either. A Witcher needs to know how to deal with all kinds of trouble after all."</p><p>He didn't mention how he used to teach it to others, in the beginning, trying to make friends. None of them had survived anyway.</p><p>"What about you? You had a knack for it back then, were much better than I. I'm surprised you couldn't get yourself out of them!" Kili tried to joke. He wasn't very good at it anymore, so long without any humor or laughter, but Fili chuckled, and Kili's worries lifted just that tiny bit.<br/>
At least until he spoke.</p><p>"I was just older, is all. More experienced. I tried to keep at it, tried to escape so often to search for you that they eventually just turned my door to stone every night. Can't pick a lock that doesn't exist. I didn't stop trying, and they didn't stop foiling me, but, well, this particular skill is more rusty than I would like."</p><p>Kili felt his blood boil again, the thought of Fili <i>locked</i> into that school raising the fury within. Fili was supposed to have been <i>safe.</i> Supposed to have been better off!<br/>
But while he carried no outward scars as Kili did, he was far from unharmed.</p><p>For a second Kili almost regretted not jumping through that portal together with Fili, and killing everyone who had ever hurt his brother.</p><p>"But no matter, I've got you now, and you've got me. Now let's get this blood off, maybe follow the river for a while. I don’t think they'll pursue us right now, after the present you sent them, but I would rather be far away from them nonetheless."</p><p>Yeah. The present. The severed head. Fuck, Fili had seen all of that, hadn't he?</p><p>"I'm so-"</p><p>"Thank you. For saving me. I got you in nothing but trouble since we met but you still stick around. That means a lot."</p><p>Kili's mouth shut with a click - he knew Fili had known what he was about to say, had only started after Kili did, but...</p><p>"As if I would ever do anything else. You remembered me, Fili. When I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. You never stopped loving me. And I'll never stop following you. You're stuck with me now." He considered adding an "if you want", but Fili was already grinning, widely like they did as children.<br/>
It looked terrifying, blood caked as they both were.</p><p>"As if I could ever forget you. We're a team. And whatever comes we'll beat it together. Now come on, this shit is starting to itch."</p><p>It took them ages to get fully clean again in the cold water, but Kili didn't mind. They scrubbed each other, close as can be, and ended up wrestling before long, splashing and joking long after the last traces of red dissappeared. They had done this as children, but it felt so much more precious now, another jewel added to his heart, hidden no longer. Even the worry and the fear couldn't keep his laughter from breaking free, and all thoughts of what he was supposed to be were forgotten in the wake of Fili's beaming smile. </p><p>Fili made him feel alive.</p><p>For a moment, the past didn't matter, and the future was far away. Kili held on that, held on to Fili. </p><p>And he would never let go again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's a lot more coming - I've been writing up a storm this past week, and the drafts I have at this point make this the longest story I have written so far. So seriously, <i>*Thank You*</i> for giving me a reason to revisit this verse! The writing frenzy these past days was awesome!</p><p>But it's not completely finished this time, just as a heads up.<br/>I've noticed I started slowing down a bit, and figured some feedback might get that motivation up again. I don't want the rest to take as long as FoxyFili did! X-D<br/>(And yes, there's still more extras for that coming too!)</p><p>Edit: It is completely finished by now, just needs editing! It might take a bit, but I will post all of it eventually!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Ban_Ard_Academy">Ban Ard Academy</a>: The School for Sorcerers, located far in the North.</p><p>There are several <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Witcher_schools">Witcher Schools</a>, split of from the main over differences in mindset and methods of training.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/School_of_the_Wolf">The Wolf's</a> keep close to the original teachings. Geralt - the Main Character of the Witcher Series - is from that school. They allow emotion and place high weight on neutrality and doing the right thing.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/School_of_the_Cat">The Cat School</a> meanwhile cares little about morality and attempted to make inhuman, unfeeling super soldiers by tweaking the mutation. Like everything that's still being tested and changed, there can be unexpected side effects. Their school is located in <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Stygga_Castle">Stygga Castle</a> during Kili's training years.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fili had been training his illusions from the very beginning.</p><p>At first it had been to escape from Ban Ard, in a vain hope to go out into the world and safe his brother.</p><p>Then it was because he was good at them, was urged to build on his strengths.</p><p>Nowadays it was because Kili had so easily seen through them, so easily made his greatest strength obsolete.</p><p>So Fili had trained - with Kili this time. Whenever they were outside of any city walls he would set up elaborate illusions, some pleasurable, relaxing, some for Kili to have some target practice, a place to safely vent his anger. His brother’s temper was still there, it turned out, if deeply buried. But oh, it was deadly when it erupted.</p><p>Fili hated how people looked at him and treated him.<br/>
Kili was inclined to take their head off for it - or at least some limbs.</p><p>It was only natural then, with all that training, that Fili had gotten better at it.<br/>
Good enough even to fool a Witcher.</p><p>A good thing too.</p><p>The asshole hadn’t even seen them coming. Hadn’t realized that Kili had noticed him trailing them. Hadn’t realized that was he found wasn’t Kili and Fili, was an elaborate illusion, as lifelike as Fili could make it.</p><p>Fili fed into it, using everything he had, and Kili surprised and disarmed the bastard.</p><p>So here they were. Bickering about which of them he might have come for - another assassin from the Brotherhood, after Kili had so brutally dealt with the first wave?<br/>
Or one of Kili’s, angry that he had left the path, here to drag him back for being… defective? Fili filed that bit away while the Witcher stirred. He hadn’t expected Kili to hate them just as much as Fili did, had expected brainwashing and whatever Witcher’s did to each other, but Kili’s fear shone through bright and clear.</p><p>It was put aside, imprisoned behind walls not even Fili could see through, the moment the Witcher seemed to wake.</p><p>“Wakey, Wakey, Sunshine. You mind telling us why you were sneaking after us or do we have to get… not nice.”</p><p>Fili wasn’t particularly good at interrogations, never had to be before, but with Kili’s fear doubtlessly still simmering under the surface, he was still the better choice to lead this.</p><p>The Witcher harrumphed. “I wasn’t. Just in the area. Murderous little bastards, aren’t you?”</p><p>“You’re lying.” Kili interrupted. “You have been following us for days now, I could feel you.”</p><p>The Witcher’s eyebrows rose, much more of a reaction than Kili had ever allowed himself in the beginning, before he drawled: “You have good senses then. And you haven’t killed me yet. Why? Isn’t that what you do? A murderous mage and his enchanted Witcher lackey? Or did you take the money and fucked off with blondie for fun?”</p><p>Fili was stunned for a second - and by the way Kili actually let his confusion bleed through, recoiled just a tiny bit, so was Kili. </p><p>His little brother, naturally, recovered first.</p><p>“I didn’t take any money. I definitely didn’t take the contract. I asked for information, nothing more. And I’m neither enchanted nor are we murderers. Unless you count defending ourselves as murders, too, Wolf?”</p><p>“Blondie killed a Baron. And you killed several mages.”</p><p>“That Baron tried to fucking rape me! I panicked okay! And the bloody bastards tried to kidnap me!” Fili was so bloody sick of this. They had traveled south for weeks now, when would that stop haunting them? There’s no way the price on his head was worth that kind of trouble! He knew the Brotherhood could be vicious, but why the fuck couldn’t they get the message that he just wanted to be left alone!</p><p>“You’ve been killing bandits left and right. And you always cause trouble in towns.”</p><p>“Bandits are bandits. The world could do with fewer of those. And nothing permanent in the towns, just making it clear my brother is not for <i>sale!</i>”</p><p>The words hang between them, heavy in the air, and Fili knew Kili hated himself for having let that slip. But the Witcher seemed pensive, almost relaxing inside the ropes, before looking at Kili again.</p><p>When had their captive started asking the questions anyway?</p><p>“And you haven’t been taking on Assassin Contracts on the nobility then, like the rest of your brethren has started to, Cat? Look me in the eye, and swear it.”</p><p>“They’re what?! How stupid can you get? There’s money and then there is getting all of us killed!” Kili’s outrage was clear, though he tried to hide it seconds after, stiffening.</p><p>The Witcher chuckled.</p><p>“Glad to see not all Cats have lost their minds then. You might want to watch out though - your school is not making itself many friends. And neither are you two.” To them both he drawled, now seemingly without worry: “I was following to make sure you weren’t up to trouble, weren’t going to pull the Witcher’s name further into the muck. But I’ve seen monsters, in human and other skin, and you ain’t them. Let me go and I’ll set the record straight among us that you never took the hit on your... brother. Not the first time someone tried to force a Witcher’s hand by lying about that, after all. The mages are your problem though, try not to piss them off even more.”</p><p>They looked at each other for a quick moment - a bad decision - and were just about to let him go when they realized the Witcher had found a way out of the ropes.</p><p>Fucking. Bloody. Witchers.</p><p>“Can you keep that to yourself? That we’re brothers?” Kili asked, almost small, vibrating in place. Fili didn’t know if the Witcher could tell, as openly as he emoted, but if there was one thing Fili had gotten even better at than his illusions it was reading Kili’s emotions in the tiny signs that slipped through.</p><p>Fili was damn proud though that Kili had become more open with them too, when it was just the two of them.</p><p>“I don’t see why not. It’s no one’s business but your own. Should be an interesting story though, how a Mage and a Witcher came to call each other that. Shame you aren’t interested in sharing. Perhaps someday.”</p><p>The Witcher left easy after that, no sign of aggression or sneakiness left.</p><p>Kili steered them clear of any towns or possible ambush spots for days regardless, unable to shake the fear of his fellow Witcher’s taking him back - or the chance the bastard might have sold them out to the Brotherhood.</p><p>“What did you mean back then? About being defective? Why would <i>you</i> have Witcher’s after you? Aren’t you guys supposed to be each other’s family or something?”</p><p>Kili’s laugh was cold, brittle.</p><p>“That wasn’t fucking family, that was torture. We aren’t supposed to <i>have</i> emotions, or people we care about. They used to drag those that did away, never to be seen again. I almost went that way too, but I learned to suppress it. To act like the mutation had worked. They were still perfecting it I think, by the time I was allowed outside. But not everyone could meet their… standards.”</p><p>Fili swallowed the bile, and the urge to pull his brother close. He would, once Kili stopped pacing, stopped checking for anyone in their proximity. Fili had set up his own alarms, but Kili needed to check for himself, needed to give the fear an outlet. But Fili would hold him the whole night through, make sure Kili knew he was loved now and that it was okay. That it was good he still had his emotions.</p><p>The thought that Kili almost hadn’t, almost had become a monster in human form, terrorized Fili - would for days and months and years ahead. But he hadn’t. Kili had held on and he would never, ever go back there.</p><p>But…</p><p>“This Witcher had emotions. Didn’t even try to hide it. Maybe it’s just for recruits and you are allowed after training?”</p><p>“No. None of the Witcher’s who came back had any. But he’s not from my school. I’m a Cat Witcher, he’s a Wolf. They’re traditionalists, as far as I know, stuck in the old ways. My teachers always said we would become better than all other schools because we still tried to grow, still perfected the mutagens and trials. That we would replace them all some day.” </p><p>Kili continued pacing, but his eyes had gotten glassy, unseeing. Fili got up and pulled him close, by now recognizing when he got lost in memories. The frenzy had left his limps, the former fluid movements almost choppy.</p><p>Kili didn’t hug back until he found his way out, he never did, but he didn’t try to step back during them anymore either.</p><p>Kili had explicitly asked him, after that first time, to come after him when he did. To stay with him so he could remember he wasn’t there anymore, was with Fili now.<br/>
Fili would forever curse the Witcher’s for what they had done to his little brother, but he was also so proud that Kili was fighting against it, clawing his way out of that hell. Fili would be there for him every step on the way – and long after too.</p><p>“Do you want to hide it?” the question hadn’t occurred to Fili before, when he still thought that his own information about the Witcher’s was accurate - that they were proud, and proud to be Witchers, all but unkillable.</p><p>“How?” Kili whispered back, leaning against him while they both stared into the fire’s embers.</p><p>“I’m good with illusions, remember? I can make people look different too, just not myself. My spells just don’t work on me properly. But it wouldn’t be hard to make you a bead that would change your eye color for example.”</p><p>Kili looked into the flames for a long time after that, and Fili had almost fallen asleep where he sat when Kili finally answered: “Can you change the Medallion too? And the silver sword? That’s what most look for, along with the eyes. It would probably be safer for both of us if people think I’m just a normal bodyguard to a traveling Mage. Much less attention.”</p><p>“And much more understanding why you threaten to remove their heads if they try to touch me too.” Fili laughed sleepily. “It should be possible, though I’ll need to study them for a few days to see how they interact with my magic, silver and all. You’re okay with people thinking you’re my lackey though? I don’t want any hard feelings between us.”</p><p>“Naw, you wouldn’t abuse that. It would be nice even, I think, to not have to make decisions all the time. I trust you a lot more than I trust myself to be honest. I know there’s something… wrong… with my head. With my emotions.”<br/>
Fili tried to interrupt, to make sure Kili knew there was <i>nothing</i> wrong with him, but Kili put a finger to Fili’s lips, chuckling, before becoming sober again.<br/>
“I don’t mean that I have them. I’m glad about that. But they don’t seem quite… right anymore. Not like they used to. Sometimes I just see red, lose myself in the anger. And sometimes there’s a part in me that wants other’s to hurt like I have. I don’t want that. I don’t want any of that. But it’s there, and you’re the only one I know who I still notice when I get like that, who can stop me. So yeah, it’s nice to be open and all, but I don’t trust myself to know right from wrong anymore. But I do trust you.”</p><p>Fili breathed deep, keeping his own anger away, far away, back north to the assholes responsible for everything. Then he nodded.</p><p>“Alright. But let me know if it ever gets to much, or if there’s something you need or want. I want to know those things, even when you pose as a guard, alright? I’ll just say I trust your council or something.”</p><p>Fili doubted Kili would take him up on that, at least not in the beginning, but it had to be enough.</p><p>And he had to admit, a Mage traveling with a Witcher did garner too much attention, attention neither of them wanted or needed. They would probably have to change quiet a few things if they wanted to get some peace ever again.</p><p>But they would figure it out. They both had plenty of motivation to keep each other safe after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Witcher_medallion">Witcher medallion</a> helps Witchers to detect forms of magic and danger, though it isn't not foolproof. I took some liberties in their ability to help sense other Witchers too, but I think Kili would definitely consider them a danger.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"They aren’t masterworks, not yet, but they should do.”</p><p>They were bloody fantastic, as far as Kili could tell. </p><p>His medallion had become a lion in stride, rather than a cat’s head. Fili did look a bit like a lion, with his mane and his strutting, self confidence oozing from every step, and the pendant was supposedly meant to show he was in Fili’s service.<br/>
Kili could still use it, mostly, though some of his sensitivity had been sacrificed. He would still know if Witchers or magic were in the area, but not from as far away as he usually could.</p><p>But in return, any Witcher trying to find him would have to get a whole lot fucking closer - his own signature was almost completely masked by Fili’s magic, overlaying the note that made Witcher’s unique, easily recognizable to each other, even without a visual.</p><p>The silver sword was still strapped to his back, but his eyes slid over it, made it look like it was in the same position as his steel sword, like he was carrying one sword instead of two. It was better than leaving it behind completely. As much as he was using his steel sword more these days, and had no further interest in Witcher’s work. It just got too much attention, too many tongues wagging and too easy a trail to follow. </p><p>They would have to find a new source of income of course. One that was less flashy, less likely to get them noticed. Reinvent themselves into people easily overlooked.<br/>
Kili would have thought it impossible before. They both commanded attention whether they wanted to or not, and it wasn’t like they could settle down with an ordinary job. They just weren’t made for that, even if they could be sure they wouldn’t be found. </p><p>But now, looking at himself in Fili’s little mirror, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of hope, and the beginning of an idea.<br/>
Fili would hate it most likely.<br/>
But it would work. Kili had no doubt about it. Mostly because of his own, unexpectedly strong reaction to the third and final alteration - illusion.</p><p>Kili couldn’t stop looking at his eyes.</p><p>As much as he tried to take in the other two items and the magnificent job Fili had done on them, as much as he tried to look for anything that might still be made better like Fili had asked him to, his eyes kept sneaking upward again. </p><p>His brown eyes.</p><p>He almost didn’t recognize himself. Except he still did, from years past, a ghost looking back at him.</p><p>It was eerie.</p><p>Kili had the tears beaten out of him years ago, survival instinct overriding the open boy he had once been. And yet that boy looked back at him now.</p><p>He could almost imagine tears pooling in his eyes, wanted to touch his face in the mirror, to see if it was really him and not just a ghost.</p><p>But he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He turned around abruptly, blinking the phantom sensation away, and looked at Fili head on, his brother’s nervous eagerness clear as day.</p><p>How the tables had turned. Who they had been as children…</p><p>“They’re great. Thank you.”</p><p>He wished he could say more, could gush like he used to. How amazing Fili was, how perfect his work, how much he felt right now. But the words got stuck behind his teeth, like they so often did. He had been getting better, he knew. Fili coaxing truths and emotions out of him as if they were precious pearls, and not a whole lot of shit compressed into a ball of rage that shouldn’t exist and still did.</p><p>Kili couldn’t undo the past, and despite everything he wouldn’t want to. Fili would have still been a sorcerer, would have stopped aging and ended up alone. No, the shit was worth it just to see Fili smile like he did right now. Proud and happy. Warm and welcoming.</p><p>Kili might not be good at any of this, but he was getting better. Good enough at least that Fili could read between his lines. Someday he would say them.</p><p>Until then Kili would settle for hugging his brother tight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I couldn't really find any hard rules or limits for <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Magic">Magic</a> in The Witcher so I took some liberties. It is based on what I could find though, especially in the Series and the Games.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The stand was golden and gaudy and very much eye catching - the absolute opposite of anything someone would use that was trying to avoid attention.</p><p>Which was why no one expected them to be anything more than what they appeared to be - traveling merchants of unusual wares, Fili a charlatan at worst, third class sorcerer at best.</p><p>Not all illusions required a spell.</p><p>Which wasn't to say that Fili was happy with the arrangement.<br/>
Quite the opposite.<br/>
He had never hated anything as much as this, aside perhaps from the punishments, the extra lessons the teachers would give him after they caught him trying to sneak out again.</p><p>And even those were starting to look preferable.</p><p>Fili was, simply put, not meant to work with customers.</p><p>He wasn't meant to be nice and cutesy and sell people dreams with a wink and a swoosh of his hair, sweet honeyed words dripping from his lips while he wanted nothing more than to bash the idiots heads in.</p><p>The questions he had to deal with.<br/>
The insolent dimwits thought themselves worthy of his craft, asking to be convinced, asking for lower prices, asking for fuck not what instead of kneeling before him in awe for the chance to get one of his spells.</p><p>The only thing that made this horrible, fucking, bloody idea in any way bearable was the flirting.<br/>
Or, more precisely, the way Kili would come up behind him with a wide smile and a hand on his sword, a cheerful "You can peruse the goods anytime, good man, but touch their maker and you'll lose a hand. Now, you have found something you like, I’m sure?"</p><p>Fili always charged those extra, and never gave them the best ones - he had no bad ones, or he would have given them those. At least those fuckers paid for it. Literally.</p><p>But no. Here he was, in his new outfit, made to make him look as enchanted as his wares, trying to sell people beauty - or more precisely, enchanted jewelry that would make people prettier. That wasn't all he sold of course - pillows that would make someone fall asleep as soon as their head touched the fabric, and ensure they would wake up just early enough for wherever they needed to be.<br/>
Bracelets that would hone someone's strength, letting them carry boulders they could do nothing but stare at before.<br/>
Shoes that could make someone glide across dirty town roads, silent and clean.<br/>
He could make rings that would prevent any unwanted pregnancies - or hasten wanted ones, if so wished.<br/>
He had even figured out how to make charms that would protect someone from arrows!</p><p>He could offer more than these small minded fools could ever think to ask for.</p><p>But no, what these imbeciles wanted was jewelry that would make someone's cock or bust look bigger. Because of course, with everything magic had to offer, <i>that's</i> what people asked for.</p><p>That and sex toys, apparently.</p><p>Fili sighed after the third request for such an item, his smile more brittle than it had been in even the Baron’s court. He hadn’t seen it coming back then, though perhaps he should have, but at least he had killed the pig.</p><p>Which, really, lead him right back here.</p><p>"I'm afraid I'm not carrying such items at this time, my dear, but I'll take it under consideration. But I do have a little something that could make your hair shine like the sun, fitting for a beauty such as yourself."</p><p>She was hardly a beauty, none of them were, but she <i>was</i> rich, at least rich enough to want a custom cock, and Fili would prefer getting enough money together for everything they needed yesterday, and not a minute later.</p><p>Kili had been right - his enchantments, his ‘Pretty Baubles for Pretty People’ (Kili's idea, not his) sold like warm bread and would give them a nice buffer while they traveled.</p><p>And no one who knew anything about Fili would <i>ever</i> expect him to do it.</p><p>Mostly because he used to have dignity, sometime before Kili had been born, with his stupid puppy dog eyes.</p><p>Not that it had been those that convinced him this time - not precisely at least. Just Kili's happiness with his new, old eyes, and his little brother’s unexpectedly open excitement for the idea, for having found a solution that would hopefully throw off their pursuers.<br/>
And, well, not even his beauty was questioned any more, for surely he was only pretty to sell his wares - no one knew what lay beyond after all. Nothing, of course, because his illusions didn't work on him - but to admit that would be a horrible sale strategy, and while Fili might have lost all dignity, he refused to lose even a drop more of his pride.</p><p>"Do you want to stay the night at the tavern, drinking the memory away?" Kili asked him after the no good, horrible, never again, first day in his new profession.</p><p>"I just want out of here. Every coin we spent is another minute I have to talk to these ingrates and keep myself from killing them. No, I much prefer the road than another second of this hell!"</p><p>He didn't dare say that out loud of course, word traveling faster than they could ever hope to, but he knew the muttering under his breath was still understandable for Kili, and would look like nothing more than helpful spells or inventory keeping to outsiders.</p><p>He could keep inventory after they were gone from this horrid town, with it's horrid small minded, busybody, perverted people. Not like one of the fuckers would ever get away with stealing from them anyway, between the hidden traps - that they had decided not to offer, so no one had any reason to think of them as anything but harmless - and Kili's superhuman senses.</p><p>Still, that also meant it was only hours later, sitting around the fire in actually comfortable clothing, that he finally found the time to count the days earnings.</p><p>"..."</p><p>His silence was telling, Fili knew, and for the first time Kili's growing grin did not fill him with joy.</p><p>"We should be able to reach the next town tomorrow if we hurry, or the day after if we don't." Kili helpfully informed him.</p><p>"I'm not doing this the rest of our lives. Just so we are clear. This is beneath me."</p><p>"By the amount we are making, all without getting blood and shit all over us I might add, we won't need to do it our whole lives. Just a few years, here and there. Especially if we keep avoiding the taverns and inns. Is the thought of seeing your jewelry adorning them really that horrible?"</p><p>"More like the thought of another faked smile for the sake of our reputations. At least news should spread fast that my... Baubles...hold what they promise. Unlike half the charlatans trying to scam people with crap. So hopefully we'll make even more next time. Still, let's give it some time, news might travel fast but we don’t want to be faster.”</p><p>It took them three days to the next town, Fili getting slower and slower on the way, until his hand was buried in their purse, playing with the coins, reminding himself why he should move at all instead of flee the whole stupid idea. Taking a few monsters heads off seemed a much better profession, if not a cleaner one.</p><p>In the end, it was only Kili's teasing that got him moving.</p><p>"I am <i>not</i> considering how to do those blasted toys. No. Just no. I have some standards!"</p><p>Kili bet him he wouldn’t last a month until he folded just to make the questions and the following required sweet talk stop.</p><p>Fili lasted three, and still hated himself for giving in.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got a lovely anon note on Tumblr that made me realise some of my readers aren't familiar with The Witcher. So I've added notes to past chapters explaining anything that might require background information, and will continue that with future chapters. I want to make sure this story is accessible and enjoyable for everyone!<br/>If you have any questions please let me know - while I usually don't answer comments due to my social anxiety, I'll do my best to clear things up!<br/>But I want you all to know: I see you and I love you. Thank you for reading and for reaching out, in whatever capacity you are comfortable with. It means a lot to me and makes me happy beyond belief.</p><p>-</p><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Nonhuman">Nonhuman</a>: An umbrella term used for the other sentient, humanoid races - dwarves, elves etc. It's a bit problematic, but Kili isn't aware of that as the term is used by almost all humans to refer to other sentient races. </p><p>If anyone wants a map or more information about the places mentioned in this chapter, you can find that <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Continent">here</a>. It's not necessary to understand this story though.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is all your fault! East you said, east over the bloody mountain top! ‘They are smaller here! It will be fine.’ East! Bloody, fucking east!”</p><p>Kili knew Fili didn’t mean it - they were both drenched, in pain, and stressed to the breaking point. That didn’t mean he had to take the abuse lying down.</p><p>“As if you had a better idea! West! Over the bloody sea! Months of being under the mercy of a ship full of sailors, in the middle of nowhere with no way out! I can kill all the assholes in the world that try to touch you or sell us out, but I can’t steer a damn ship over the ocean and neither can you! Do you seriously want to be depended on anyone that way!?”</p><p>“They are professionals! No one would travel with them if they kept accosting their customers!”</p><p>“No one travels with them! Or have you ever actually met someone from the other side outside of your precious academy books!”</p><p>Kili grimaced, knowing he had gone to far - he knew Fili hadn’t wanted to be locked there all that time. “Look, I-”</p><p>“Shove it, just keep climbing! I’m not having this conversation in the middle of a storm on top of a fucking mountain ledge. You just better hope this passes so we can actually see something once we get to the top!”</p><p>That had been the original plan - try to climb up, check what’s on the other side. There wasn’t a lot of information about the eastern lands - the two mountain ranges were close to impossible to cross, and the single pass known between them lead to a desert. But the mountains had dipped here, just that bit, and they were both more than just normal humans. It had seemed feasible. And better than their other options.</p><p>Traveling south had gone well for them the last months - no one who knew them, and enough people interested in Fili’s jewelry to gather up some funds. Kili knew Fili wasn’t particularly fond of it, as much as most of it was just whining to get the frustration out. The fact was that neither of them was really made for such a comparably peaceful life, even if they had made it work.</p><p>But there was only so far south they could travel. They had reached the edges of the Nilfgaard Empire, and while Kili wasn’t familiar with them, Fili had made it clear that entering would be a death sentence.</p><p>“Nilfgaardians are mostly known for two things - their superiority complex - and subsequent disdain for foreigners - and their love of order. They will want to know who we are, where we’ve been and all kinds of shit we can’t answer without inviting trouble. And if they find the tiniest discrepancy, or just decide they don’t like the look of us, they’ll detain us until they have checked our story. And in our case, that means we’ll either end up being sent bow wrapped to the Brotherhood, sold for political clout, or with half the army after us for forgery. No. Nilfgaard is a deathtrap.”</p><p>So the south was out.</p><p>And well, north was were they had come from. Where plenty of people knew their faces. Kili could try to wear more of Fili’s jewelry, but Fili couldn’t. Up north it was only a matter of time until they were found.<br/>
Of course they had considered trying to find Cadarn Bryn. See their mother, their family again. But that was folly. Even if they could find them, traveling caravan that it was, they had been gone for so long - everyone they knew would have moved on, would be old and gray now, if they still lived. Life on the road had never been particular kind, as loving as their family had been.<br/>
And those who were looking for them undoubtedly had eyes on it. They would bring their people nothing but trouble and pain and would most likely find nothing else there either.</p><p>They could have tried to stay in Gemmera perhaps, the southernmost country before Nilfgaard, but neither of them were made for settling down somewhere, traveling in their blood from the moment they were born.<br/>
It wasn’t safe anyway. There had been some talk of Nilfgaard looking to expand it’s borders again, and staying in one area too long wasn’t the best choice for people who didn’t want to be found.</p><p>East, with all it’s dangers and uncertainties, had looked like their best bet.<br/>
Fili had agreed.</p><p>They kept climbing in silence, eventually finding a tiny cave to wait out the storm. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. This blasted mountain is just stealing my last nerves.” Fili mumbled into Kili’s shoulder while they tried to get comfortable on the cold stone.</p><p>“Not just the mountain. The last months have been stressful for us both. It’s why I thought we might find a new start beyond it.”</p><p>It wasn’t a full acceptance, a full resolve of their fight, Kili knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that right now. Fili wasn’t the only one stressed - the lack of battles had set Kili on edge, like his skin was too small for his body, like he needed to move, needed an outlet. Kili had been fighting almost his whole life. And maybe it hadn’t been by choice, but he couldn’t just stop. The few unlucky bandits they had met on the road hadn’t been enough.</p><p>Kili hadn’t wanted to hunt monsters, but he still found he missed it. Missed fighting side by side with Fili instead of standing at his back, trying to stay awake and alert and not think too much.</p><p>It had been a safe choice, had seemed like a great idea, but neither of them was made for that life. Kili needed an adventure, needed <i>something</i> to get his blood pumping, give him an outlet for all the pent up emotions he had kept bottled for so long.</p><p>He wondered, sometimes, during long nights, if they would have been so hard to handle if Fili hadn’t helped him overcome his conditioning - or part of it, at least.<br/>
But the thought of being without them, being a good emotionless Witcher, killing and torturing without any hesitation, made him feel sick.<br/>
If the mutation had worked, would he have killed Fili, back then? Or worse, raped him, before turning him in? Kili wasn’t blind, he just wasn’t an asshole. Fili wasn’t interested in any of that, least of all with him, and that was that.</p><p>He knew he hadn’t planned on harming Fili, couldn’t see himself ever doing that. He had just wanted to know. Had wanted closure, family. Some proof that he wasn’t forgotten. Fili had given him that, and so much more. Kili was grateful, always would be, but the voices of the Witchers that trained him still rang through his mind sometimes, still made him doubt. The lull of the past half year had been torture. Too much time and too little distractions weren’t good for the mind.</p><p>They slept fitfully that night - well, Fili slept, exhausted, head on Kili’s shoulder and curled around him, sharing warmth. Kili didn’t need as much sleep - couldn’t sleep as much if he wanted to - and so he just tried to enjoy their closeness, the knowledge that whatever had happened and would happen, Fili trusted him, loved him.<br/>
He let his own head settle on Fili’s, breathing him in, and pulled him closer while he watched the rain outside their little alcove.<br/>
He would apologize tomorrow.<br/>
Fili deserved that much and more.</p><p>-</p><p>The view from the summit was incredible. They could see forever in all directions. The lands they came from seemed so small from up here. </p><p>And up ahead:</p><p>“Well, it’s not a desert at least. I suppose.” Fili mused, in a much better mood now that the storm had abated and he had gotten some rest. </p><p>It wasn’t far from it, Kili had to admitted, but Fili was trying to be nice after their fight yesterday. And Kili would apologize a hundred times if it made his brother’s eyes soften like that, made Fili pull him close, foreheads touching. They didn’t fight for no reason, usually, but at least making up was nice.</p><p>“Looks like the terrain gets harsher both to the south and the north, but the low mountains here let some rain across. But it’s mostly plains further in, I don’t see any trees, or anything that might be a village. Definitely some movement, so there should be animals we can hunt. I do see something green much farther east, but I can’t tell what it is. Too far away, even with this.”<br/>
Fili had made him something to enhance his already superior sight before they had started climbing. It wouldn’t be usable daily - using it felt incredibly odd and he couldn’t see anything close properly when he did - but Kili was still impressed by it. Scouting ahead would be a breeze now. Especially on the endless open fields below.</p><p>Fili hummed for a moment, a small fire spell between them to keep them warm in the freezing temperatures of the mountain top.</p><p>“Would be nice, not having to deal with people for a while. But would we be able to survive on our own long term? I don’t want to climb this again. Once was enough.”</p><p>“There have to be some humans or nonhumans out there. They might just not live so close to the mountains, or live underground like the dwarves originally did. And we’ll be traveling farther in anyway - I have no doubt we’ll meet people eventually.”</p><p>“They’ll probably not speak our language though, far away as they are...” Fili sighed, his body sideways so he could see both their homeland and the unexplored lands to the east with just a turn of the head. He was hugging himself, obviously uncomfortable.</p><p>“We can turn back, if you like. You know that, right?” Kili reminded him, suppressing his disappointment. He would follow where Fili decided to go, even if it was on one of those blasted boats, but he still thought this was the best choice they had. Learning a new language and culture still beat hiding and dodging assassins as far as he was concerned.</p><p>Fili looked at him for a long moment after that, before his face hardened, having come to a decision.</p><p>“No. We said we would try our luck east if the landscape allowed. And we would have the same issues across the sea, except we would have to regather the money for it. We have the supplies, we have the skills to survive, more than most have at least. We have a chance, let’s take it.”</p><p>Kili didn’t try to hide his grin at that, and for once he didn’t squash the urge to whoop in joy. He didn’t know what the future would bring, but it finally felt exciting again.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Telepathy">Telepathy</a>: Reading or communicating with thoughts. This also includes memories or other non verbal information.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Telempathy">Telempathy</a>: Reading or sharing emotions.<br/><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/School_of_the_Cat">Cat Witcher</a>: A Witcher made with changed mutagens, causing the mutation to be different from other Witchers. It was supposed to prevent them from having emotions. There were some problems.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had been walking for weeks through the empty landscape, not another soul in sight.</p><p>Fili didn’t really mind - talking with Kili was easy, as was being silent. And it felt incredibly freeing to not have to put up a mask anymore, not have to give a shit about how anyone saw him.</p><p>Their survival was mostly taken care of - water through spells, food from some of the animals that looked at least somewhat familiar. The constant meat was starting to get tiring, to be honest, but neither had any idea if any of the bushels and grasses around where edible. Kili had offered to try some, see if he had any reaction to it. It wasn’t a certainty, but Kili insisted it was better than trying blind.</p><p>It was also absolutely out of the question. Kili might not get sick as easily - or at all according to him, monster venom not withstanding - but that didn’t mean Fili was okay with him playing taste tester!</p><p>Their dried fruit and nuts had pretty much run out by now, though they had given them plenty of time. The fresh meat should serve them for a few more weeks before they had to worry about getting sick anyway, as much as they might be sick of it by now. Needless to say, the jerky they brought was almost untouched. Fili would have bought less if he had known what was ahead.</p><p>So no. Their survival wasn’t worrying Fili. Nor was the occasional silence. Or the fact he had to put up a shield at night, to keep out the apparently poisonous animals.</p><p>And the insects. Mosquitoes, ants, everything creepy crawly. The things were giant here, and annoying as fuck.</p><p>What worried him was <i>Kili.</i></p><p>His little brother had made leaps and bounds since they had finally found each other. He laughed again, was easier to read - and not just because Fili had gotten better at it, though that also played a role - and in generally seemed much more like the human he resembled now rather than the Witcher they had tried to make of him.</p><p>He was also restless. And scared of himself, of all people. Kili had mentioned a few times how strong his emotions felt after so long without, how he couldn’t seem to control them anymore, how they overwhelmed him instead.</p><p>It sounded reasonable, to be honest. Kili had always been an emotional child, carrying his heart on his sleeve, with a temper to be feared. It had been endearing back then, how open his little brother was about everything he felt, but it made sense that that disposition, finally shining through the inhuman training and conditioning he had gone through, would now scare him.</p><p>Fili had thought it would go away, that Kili would get used to it. So he had encouraged his brother to sit with his emotions, to let himself feel them, embrace them, without worry or shame.</p><p>It wasn’t getting better though. If anything it was getting worse.<br/>
By now not even his illusions, lifelike as they were, could fully calm his brother’s rising temper. Kili might have been an emotional child, but he had never been violent, never caused pain for the sake of it. Except now. 
Fili blamed the Witchers for it, naturally. With no natural outlet, not even a flirting villager or a bandit shit out of luck, Kili's frustration ended up turning to the animals they met.</p><p>Never to Fili. He could see the moment his temper tried to spring on him, and the way Kili bit down on it before it could come between them. But Fili could see how it was scaring Kili, how it kept happening, how he only realized after that he had essentially played with their - still living - food, instead of putting it out of it’s misery.</p><p>Fili could almost see the thoughts running through his brother's mind in those moments - what if he blacked out like that and Fili was the only target?</p><p>Fili wasn’t worried, at least not for himself. He could still get through to him, and Kili would never harm him, not even in those states. He would know, he had tried getting between Kili and his prey once before and Kili had immediately stopped.</p><p>Kili had also been silent and withdrawn for hours afterwards, trying to hide his emotions again. Likely trying to put them back into the nether were they had been locked for so long.<br/>
Fili couldn’t bear looking at the dance anymore, happy emotions pushed aside by Kili’s irrational - if somewhat understandable - fears.</p><p>Kili hadn’t been taught how to deal with any of this, with being human, and perhaps it had been naive to expect him to learn on his own, with just a few words as guidance.</p><p>It wasn’t like Fili didn’t have other options, another tool in his arsenal.<br/>
It just wasn’t one he liked using.<br/>
Mostly because he had never had anyone he trusted to use it with.</p><p>Telepathy and Telempathy was something all mages had to learn, a staple among them. Fili could do it too, of course, but his teachers always complained he let his own emotions bleed through, his own thoughts and secrets - and never failed to use what they found out against him.<br/>
To make him want to get better, they said.</p><p>It felt more like bullying, especially when they kept insisting he do it anyway, giving them even more ammunition against him.</p><p>No, he was not fond of those skills, and he had never figured out how to shut himself away from the one he was trying it on. Though he hadn’t tried it since leaving Ban Ard either.</p><p>But Kili knew him. Kili wouldn’t use Fili’s emotions and thoughts against him. And having a healthy example of how to deal with his emotions might be just what Kili needed.</p><p>So, when Fili sat up their deference that evening while his brother put up the tent and started the fire, Fili added a few extras, to ensure they wouldn’t be disturbed in any way.</p><p>“What do you think?” He asked, after explaining how he would open a connection between them, letting each other’s thoughts and emotions pass through. He wouldn’t try to keep Kili out, that would defeat the purpose.</p><p>“Are you sure, Fili? This isn’t...My mind ain’t a happy place, there’re monsters in there. I don’t want to hurt you, or overwhelm you.”</p><p>“You won’t. And I can look after myself, whatever it is that you fear. We have been pretty good at hunting monsters together in the past - you don’t have to face them alone now. Let me help you.” </p><p>Kili looked away, eyes pressed together, all but trembling - but he nodded, eventually, a quick, jerky motion. “Be careful. Please. Stop if it gets too much.”</p><p>“I promise. There’s no need to worry about me.” He didn’t think it would be necessary - they might be scary to Kili, but Fili was used to dealing with emotions. He would be careful to stay away from the more painful memories, anything to do with his Witcher training - this time anyway, just to make sure Kili could get comfortable with it. Highly unlikely just this once would solve all problems after all. All learning took time, including how to handle emotions again.</p><p>They banked the fire - ensuring it would burn safely even while they didn’t have the attention for it - and set across from each other. Fili gestured for Kili to lean forward, until their foreheads touched. It wasn’t necessary, but the gesture always seemed to calm Kili. Should be a good emotion to start with.</p><p>He opened the gates.</p><p>Calm was the absolute last thing he found. He realized his error immediately. He was wrong. So wrong. Kili hadn’t been afraid because the emotions were <i>new.</i> Kili had been right. Something was <b>wrong.</b></p><p>Fili tried to pull himself out of the maelstrom, but he had already lost the beginning, the way out, couldn’t tell up from down anymore. There was so much of it, overwhelming him, swallowing him whole. How had Kili not lost his mind?!<br/>
Fili tried to navigate, past the rage, the fear, the viciousness that felt nothing like his brother.<br/>
There. Kindness. Love. Warmth. Just as enhanced, just as strong and all compassing, but at least it wasn’t flaying his mind whole anymore. Was embracing him, touching him, making him whole, making them one.<br/>
Fili had just enough of his mind left to realize there had been one emotion that he hadn’t seen in Kili all this time, carefully kept in check because Kili didn’t want to hurt him. Then it swallowed him, and there was no thought. Just emotions, roiling into each other, ecstasy, stars.<br/>
Love.</p><p>-</p><p>Fili woke up beside the fire, carefully bundled up in all their bedding.<br/>
Kili wasn’t beside him.<br/>
Fili ached. In ways he hadn’t thought he ever would, but not as painful as expected after…</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He jumped up, looking for his brother. If there was one thing that might make Kili leave, might make him run away, it was this.</p><p>Fili wouldn’t let him.</p><p>Only the weak moonlight let Fili see his brother’s silhouette against the dark sky, steadily moving away. Fili sprinted, naked as the day he was born, and jumped him, sending them both sprawling into the dirt.</p><p>“Don’t. Don’t leave. It’s okay!”</p><p>“It’s not!” Kili screamed at him. He didn’t try to dislodge him though. Just stayed face down in the dirt, arms extended, his hands kept as far away from Fili as he could make them.<br/>
“I fucking raped you! After all the assholes we fought off, it was <i>me!</i> Because I couldn’t fucking control myself! It’s-”</p><p>Fili turned him around and kissed him.</p><p>It probably wasn’t a nice kiss, all teeth and tongue and pressure, but it got Kili to shut up at least, looking up at him like a deer in headlights. Kili was trembling all over, and his eyes glistened wetly in the moonlight.</p><p>“You didn’t rape me. Rape implies it isn’t wanted, is done by force. You didn’t force me. Didn’t hurt me. So I’m telling you, it’s okay. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. For not realizing, and for not taking your warning as serious as I should have, stirring all of this up. I’m sorry. Just please don’t run.”</p><p>It took a bit longer still, cajoling, but eventually Kili agreed to come back to the camp, into the safety of the wards. The stupid insects were killing Fili, naked as he was, but that was a small price to pay for Kili coming back, agreeing to talk this out.</p><p>Fili would have never forgiven himself if he had chased Kili away, if his mistake had cost them both everything. There was no telling if he would have been able to find his brother again, as much as he would have never stopped searching.</p><p>“You didn’t want this. Have never wanted sex with anyone. So how is this any different? How is this not-” Kili’s voice gave out, turning into a whine that cut off almost as soon as it started.</p><p>“I don’t get why the world is obsessed with sex, yes. I don’t want to do that with a stranger, don’t want my body to be used like a toy for another’s pleasure, yes. But you are neither a stranger, nor did you use me. Quite the opposite. <i>You love me, Kili.</i> With an intensity that blew me away. I don’t connect sex to love like everyone else seems to, don’t need it like other’s do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know love. You were in my head just the same - you must have felt my love for you. If I hadn’t wanted it, if I had been in pain, you would have known. And you would have stopped. I have no doubt about that. But it <i>wasn’t</i> unwanted. Just unexpected.”</p><p>Kili was still wary, looking at him and away. But that nervous energy, like he was just seconds away from running, was starting to abate.</p><p>“I love you, Kili. We might not have the same instinctual language there, but it’s still true. Can you think back to the emotions, to what you felt from me? Tell me about it. Voice it.”</p><p>Kili looked at him like he was crazy, but settled in more comfortable anyway, scooting just that bit closer. There was still a chasm compared to how close they usually were, but it was a start.</p><p>“Warmth. Something almost… bubbling. A bit of… Can we not? I don’t know how to-”</p><p>“Shhh, it’s okay. Just, was there anything in there that felt like a rejection?”<br/>
He leaned closer just that bit, trying to look into Kili’s lowered eyes.</p><p>“...No. No rejection. But I overwhelmed you. I’m sure about that.”</p><p>“Your emotions did, yes. I have never felt anything as strong as what you apparently do. It’s like you are constantly turned to emergency mode, except it’s for all of your emotions. It’s a wonder you have them as well in hand as you do. But we’ll need to work on them. Letting them run rampant like that can’t be healthy. There has to be a balance between that and not having them at all.”</p><p>Kili blanched. “You want to do this again?! After what I- what we-”</p><p>“Yes.” Simple. Also the truth. “I might not have expected my first time to happen like this - hadn’t planned to have sex at all, ever, to be perfectly honest - but it wasn’t bad. Not like I expected it to be. It was nice. I don’t mind doing it again if it’s you. But that’s beside the point - you need help. I don’t think anyone can deal with those kind of emotions on their own indefinitely. I don’t mind if sex is a side effect of that helping. Or if you want to try it again otherwise.”</p><p>“You aren’t interested in sex. We both know that, Fee. You don’t have to force yourself just because I’m an ass who can’t-”</p><p>“We’ve been traveling together for over a year now. You have never made any move, on me or on anyone else. There were plenty of brothels on the way. If this had only been about your dick, you would have done something about it. You didn’t. So it’s definitely not a lack of control.”</p><p>“You still don’t have to force yourself! You know that right? You’re more than your body.”</p><p>“Damn right I am. And it’s my choice what to do with it or not. We don’t have to, but if you want to, let me know. Just because I don’t have the same urges doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. Now, back to the bigger problem, do you think you can trust me inside your head again? I have a better idea what I’ll find this time, so I shouldn’t be as easily overwhelmed, but I don’t want to leave this as is - I’m pretty sure I accidentally made things worse. Do you trust me enough to go back and calm down that hornets nest in your head? At least as good as I can.”</p><p>They technically didn’t have to do it again right now, but Fili remembered that first time he had fallen off a horse - his mother had put him right back on it, told him to suck it up. Staying away from something after a mistake just made everything worse. He didn’t want Kili to be too afraid to ever let him in again.</p><p>“I’ll always trust you. I just don’t trust myself.”</p><p>Kili got up, and Fili sacked, trying to find any angle that would prevent his brother from stewing in that, didn’t cause him to withdraw and his fears to get even worse, but Kili just went to his pack, pulling out-</p><p>“Dimeritium Shackles? Why do you even still have those?! Did you carry them all this time?!”</p><p>“Thought they might come in handy if we ran into any hostile mages. I don’t know if they effect Witchers the same, probably not, but at least I will have my hands bound, will know I can’t do anything you don’t want. So if you can still do it with them on, can we please use them?”</p><p>Shackles. That was not quite what Fili expected, but the whole night had gone nothing like planned already, so what was one more thing?</p><p>“I’m not sure - I don’t know if they will interfere with the connection or not. We didn’t cover <i>that</i> in school, that’s for sure. And I honestly don’t think we need them. But if they make you feel better… At least let me check that I can get them off again first, I’m not as good at lock picking as you are.”</p><p>Fili insisted on unlocking them empty three times before he would allow Kili to put them on, and it was then that he realized: “Why didn’t you put it on that Witcher we ran into anyway? At least then he wouldn’t have just sauntered out of his ropes as if they hadn’t been there.”</p><p>“I don’t know how they’ll effect me, remember? There’s a good chance they won’t do anything, or just keep me from using signs. There was too big a risk he would just be able to break them, or end up using them against you somehow. And it was better not to let anyone know we still have them. Just in case.”</p><p>“Fair enough. But I’m taking them off if they cause you any pain, just so we are clear.”</p><p>Kili agreed, putting his hands behind his back like it was the most natural thing in the world. Fili didn’t know how Kili had been able to carry them around so long - even touching them made Fili queasy, stomach roiling. The thought of putting his brother through that...</p><p>But Kili had asked, had insisted, and Fili did want to take another look to make sure he hadn’t accidentally broken something important. And, well, he did have an idea on how to at least mitigate the damage, the pain and doubt Kili was feeling right now. </p><p>The shackles snapped close. Nothing happened.</p><p>“How are you feeling? Any discomfort?” He turned Kili around, making sure to look for any signs of a lie, but Kili just shrugged.</p><p>“Not really. They’re a bit cold, and I can’t reach for the signs I think, but there’s no pain. In a few hours my shoulder might twinge, but that’s about it.”</p><p>No lie. At least none that Fili could detect. Guess that solved that question.</p><p>They sat down across from each other again, upright this time. If this went south, which he really hoped it wouldn’t, he didn’t want their gesture of affection to be sullied by the connection.</p><p>Fili readied his mind and opened the bond.<br/>
The wall he had put up around his mind held the onslaught, only whispers coming through.</p><p>Guilt, especially.</p><p>Guilt and pain and self hate.</p><p>That’s what he had feared. Words could only do so much if Kili didn’t let them reach him. Fili didn’t want this to fester, to get worse. He had to solve the issue underneath before it would grow.</p><p>Opening himself just a bit, he send out all the love he had, all the acceptance, the affection, everything he felt for Kili. They cut through his brother’s doubts and fears like swords through ropes, enveloping, holding him close, giving Kili a safe harbor inside the storm of his emotions.</p><p>Fili remained apart enough to see the tears fall from Kili’s eyes. Catharsis. Relief after so long. He kept an eye on the smile blooming, and when Kili leaned towards him, Fili came easy, resting their foreheads together after all.</p><p>“I’m here. I love you. It’s okay.” Words and emotions and a single message of love repeated until the dawn rose on the horizon, colored the sky in a myriads of colors.</p><p>It wouldn’t magically solve everything, especially not the unusual strength of Kili’s emotions. But it made them more bearable, changed the hate into something softer, trading blades and traps for a nest of pillows to sink into.<br/>
It wouldn’t last, especially not in the beginning, but Fili would gladly do this everyday, if Kili allowed. Let his own love flow free between them, echoed by Kili’s. </p><p>Perhaps someday their love would be enough to chase away the fear and hate for good. Perhaps someday they would share this only for the joy of it, for the connection rapidly growing between them, embraced and wanted.<br/>
But for now Fili held his brother close, let him weep and laugh. Let him know he was loved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Trials">Witcher Trials</a>: Important parts of the Mutation Process. They are often deadly, and extremely unpleasant even to those that survive them.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following days were awkward, as much as Fili tried to smooth things over.</p><p>The guilt didn’t stop, and Kili was grateful that Fili seemed to accept that and yet didn’t let him stew in it.</p><p>Kili had soaked up all attention Fili had given him from the very beginning, especially the physical ones. The hugs and touches, sleeping curled around each other, wrestling, playing around. It had been innocent. Joy and affection the way they had shared it as kids.</p><p>Kili had known he wanted more since he first saw Fili, had never been more glad that Fili had been so intent on his face, rather than that first, unwanted reaction to how his brother looked now. He had also been absolutely, without a doubt sure he would never, <i>ever</i> do anything about it. Sex wasn’t worth risking their love for. And even if it hadn’t been for Fili’s clear dislike of sexual attention, they were still brother’s. That’s not where minds should go.</p><p>He had blamed his long years at Stygga Castle at first, the way returning Witchers boasted of their conquest, from monster to between the sheets. Emotions didn’t have anything to do with it, just physical needs that were fulfilled, as simple and plain as eating or taking a shit.<br/>
Kili had wanted nothing to do with that kind of life, that kind of sex, as much as giving any sign of that was dangerous. Don’t emote, don’t show how it rakes when they talked of whores, boasted of screams as if their partners were animals to be conquered and killed rather than sentient beings.<br/>
It had just been a reaction. Natural. And absolutely unimportant.</p><p>He had blamed his emotions after. The way he felt safe around Fili, could laugh, could be anything he wanted to be without hiding.<br/>
Except that.<br/>
He pulled back occasionally, but Fili knew exactly how to get him to come out again. The hugs, the warmth, the affection was just too good. He couldn’t turn it down. Didn’t want to turn it down.</p><p>And he would never, ever act on it anyway. Never hurt Fili. He didn’t need sex, he didn’t want what he had grown up hearing about, what bastards kept trying to do to Fili.<br/>
He would never let it happen. He would die before that.</p><p>And it had worked. It had been good. They had been close without trouble, he could hug Fili, hold him, ask for intimacy that had nothing to do with sex. And that was enough. It was more than he had ever had and it was <i>enough.</i></p><p>Or it should have been.<br/>
It would have been.</p><p>Yes, Kili had been worried about how easily he got angry, how hard it was to stuff the emotions back where they belonged when he needed to. He knew where it came from, recognized that burning hate when memories sprang up on him. The time out here, nothing for miles, reminded him too much of the hallucinations during his trial, lost and searching and never coming back. He wasn’t alone this time, knew he was free from all of it, but the almost lifeless grounds still reminded him of pain, of hurt, of that need to defend himself, to retaliate and never being able to.<br/>
It wasn’t intentional. He didn’t mean to get lost in those moments. He was supposed to hunt, to kill cleanly, but hunting had been part of the training, so long ago, and it still <i>hurt</i>. And he hated it. Hated how instead of being able to let that hurt go, he felt the need to bring it out to the world, to fling it out until there was nothing of it left inside him anymore.<br/>
It didn’t work of course. The pain was nothing but an echo. None of the things his mind insisted on dragging up were anything but echoes.</p><p>But the one thing he had been certain of was that he would never hurt Fili. Fili was everything good in the world, the human part of him, the one who made him feel safe and <i>alive.</i> Like there was an end to the pain.<br/>
Kili knew he would never, ever hurt Fili.</p><p>And then he did.</p><p>It hadn’t been intentionally. Kili knew his emotions and memories were a problem, but he had them under control. Letting Fili see them was perhaps uncomfortable, but Fili had seen all of Kili, the worst parts of what he had become, and Kili knew Fili wouldn’t turn him away. Fili wanted to help him, and had the skills to do it.<br/>
Fili only had to ask. Kili never said no to him, just like Fili had never denied Kili anything.</p><p>Fili had asked - and Kili had agreed. It was that easy.<br/>
And then it all went to shit.</p><p>He still couldn’t quite remember what happened, emotions overlapping, half Fili, half himself, first pain and then love, all of it at once, accepted and wanted, Fili a part of him and around him and-</p><p>Fili hadn’t fought him. Had touched him just as much, had opened himself without a second of hesitation. They had both been lost in emotion, lost in that cocktail of both of them together.</p><p>Kili should have stopped. Should have realized that wasn’t like Fili. Should have asked, should have made sure Fili was fully aware, could think straight, could <i>consent.</i></p><p>Fili kept insisting Kili had been just as out of it, just as driven by need. Just as effected by their combined emotions. It didn’t stop the guilt.</p><p>And yet, despite all that shame, despite the new fear that he might actually hurt Fili, that his brother wasn’t as safe around Kili as he had thought-</p><p>Fili did it again every night.<br/>
Not sex, but sharing their emotions. He would bring him into memories. Would send him pulses of love and affection the whole night through, would speak to him, reassure him, without needing any words.<br/>
Touched him deep. Held him. Didn’t let go.</p><p>And the guilt eased, every time he saw how comfortable Fili still was around him.<br/>
The fear fled when it found no partner in Fili, certain enough in his safety for them both.<br/>
Love remained, carefully shared, carefully curated, strong and beautiful, without being the overwhelming flood it had been before.</p><p>They had enhanced each other’s emotions, Fili had said. Each echo strengthening the original until they both drowned in it.<br/>
Fili had even tried to blame himself, initially. Kili wasn’t sure if Fili had meant it, or if he had just wanted Kili to realize they both didn’t blame each other.<br/>
Neither were at fault. It wasn’t a mistake.</p><p>Kili held on to that, and it started to feel true more and more as the days passed.</p><p>They had started to keep the connection open during the day even, nothing too strenuous, nothing that would distract them too much, just another way for Fili to pull him out of his head, assure him he was loved and wanted.</p><p>Kili appreciated it, and knew that Fili could feel that.</p><p>Just as he knew that Fili would feel…</p><p>“Please close it.” </p><p>Fili did so without question, immediately. </p><p>“It’s nothing shameful. Doesn’t bother me.”</p><p>“I know, I just… I want to be sure I’m not influencing you.”</p><p>They walked in silence a bit longer, looking around the slowly changing landscape while Kili tried to gather his courage.</p><p>It was almost green by now. The low shrubbery had made for yellowed grasses a while back, and Kili could see more green in the distance. Still open fields though. But more animals. Bigger ones even, if still unfamiliar. Something that might have been big goats were jumping around in big herds here and there - but they were more shy, easy to spook. Little wonder, with the giant cats that roamed these lands. </p><p>“Did you mean it?” Kili eventually pressed out, just to get it over with. Pussyfooting around it wouldn’t help anyone, as much as he wasn’t sure he was ready for the answer.</p><p>Fili just looked at him, eyebrows raised.</p><p>Yeah, no mind reading now. But Kili couldn’t risk it open. Needed to be sure.</p><p>“You said you wouldn’t mind if we… if we had sex again. Did you mean it? Do you still mean it? We don’t have to, I’m okay if we don’t. I just want to know where we’re at again.”</p><p>Fili brushed against him, hip and shoulder bumping his playfully. “Sure I did. It was fun. I still wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else, but with you? Yes. Though it might be smart to go a bit slower this time.”</p><p>“...Does it change anything for you?”</p><p>“Honestly? No. I loved you before, I love you still. Sex or no sex doesn’t change that for me. But it changes something for you, doesn’t it?”</p><p>“I think so. But I’m not sure how to put it in words. It’s just… I like the intimacy. This is more of it. But it’s not right if you just put up with it to make me happy.”</p><p>Fili laughed at that, laughed until he coughed.</p><p>“Put up with it! Kili, did you hear me while I was putting up with that darn business idea of yours? I was cussing up a storm everyday! If I was just putting up with it you would know!”</p><p>And Kili laughed with him, feeling lighter. Yeah, Fili would let him know if anything was wrong. Maybe he couldn’t trust himself as much as he would like, but he could always trust Fili.</p><p>-</p><p>They didn’t have sex that evening. That wasn’t why he had asked. And even if it had been why, he wouldn’t have asked for it then and there. Fili looked pale when he conjured their water, by now easily and routinely bottled up. They wouldn’t need that in the future, most likely - greenery ahead meant natural water.<br/>
It was probably for the best - Fili was obviously exhausted.</p><p>“I don’t think being connected all the time is such a good idea. Not if it tires you out like that. We got by fine without it before.”</p><p>That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t miss the warmth, the love Fili had been sending him for two weeks straight everyday now. It just meant he didn’t want Fili to burn himself out. Fili might be strong, but even he had his limits - and was probably out of training too. Especially for spells that lasted for hours everyday.</p><p>A night of rest would do him good.</p><p>Or, Kili decided in the morning, a few days of it.<br/>
Fili was looking even worse despite the rest, exhausted and clammy. He was running a bit hotter too, though nothing dangerous yet.<br/>
Kili should have said something sooner.</p><p>“It’s probably just a cold, from the weather extremes. Was bound to happen. I swear I wouldn’t have done it if it exhausted me so much.” Fili grumbled at him, reading his mind without even needing the telepathy. Gave him an evil eye when Kili checked for it, too.</p><p>“Seriously, we’ve been together for over a year now - nonstop, everyday. A bit of telepathy doesn’t suddenly change anything. And I was sick last winter too. I got better. No need to worry about it.”</p><p>Kili did remember - the one and only time Fili agreed to visit the inn of a town they had done business in. The winter had been mild enough that far south that Fili had insisted they could camp on their own just fine, no need to stop traveling, or even waste their money on sleeping inside. It had been a miserable week for Fili, mostly because any healing spells he tried - on Kili’s insistence - just seemed to dissipate, barely doing a thing, and any of his helpful jewelry was depleted within minutes. Kili didn’t know why Fili was so abysmal with spells that centered on him, to the point of not even his enchantments holding, but it was incredibly annoying.<br/>
Back then Kili had called for a herbalist, for tonics. Fili had insisted it wasn’t necessary then too. But he had felt better just a few hours later. After a long discussion, like pulling teeth, Fili admitted he didn’t know how to make elixirs himself - his teachers refused to teach him until he had mastered the healing spells.<br/>
Fili could do a mean healing spell it turned out - just not on himself.</p><p>Kili now wished he had insisted on buying some before they left, instead of letting Fili talk him out of it. “They won’t last. And break too easily too.”Fili had said. “And there’s a different brew for all kinds of things anyway. I swear, it was just a cold - it wouldn’t have killed me or anything!”</p><p>Maybe Kili was overprotective, but he also knew there wouldn’t be any helpful herbalists here. So it was better to rest early, rather than risk Fili’s cold getting worse - as much as Fili rolled his eyes at him over it. But they had nowhere in particular to be, and they still had some jerky as well as yesterday’s water, meant for the road.<br/>
A day of rest would do them both good.</p><p>But one day turned to two, Kili keeping the fire running with his own signs for all of it.</p><p>Fili didn’t get better.<br/>
He got worse.</p><p>It started with shaking, just before dusk. His temperature rose rapidly, and his mind went about as quick, the sudden onset of pain, of feeling like he was freezing all but stealing his mind.<br/>
Whatever it was, it was not a common cold, and Kili desperately tried to get his brother’s temperature down again. He had never seen anything like this before.<br/>
He held Fili through the hours following, burning up and all but screaming from the pain, vomiting up what little food he had gotten, unable to keep even water down.<br/>
By then Kili had depleted every single enchanted healing item they had. He knew they were meant for him, as much as he had assured Fili it was unnecessary, that he healed easily and had his Witcher brews too, the healing one’s still carried around as much as he had little reason to use them these days.<br/>
Hours in, with no sign of Fili getting better, Kili was actually starting to consider them.<br/>
He knew Witcher’s Potions weren’t meant for humans, and aside from the magic that’s what mages were. What would heal him might just kill Fili.<br/>
But whatever this was, whatever Fili had caught, might do that too.</p><p>Kili was still debating with himself when Fili started sweating like crazy, his formerly dry skin drenched in minutes - but at least he was able to keep fluids in again, if just a little bit. Was becoming more coherent again too.</p><p>By the time the sun rose again, it had seemed like a bad dream. Fili was still exhausted, but the fever had broken in the early morning hours, and he was aware of his surroundings again. </p><p>Kili was torn between insisting he drank plenty and insisting Fili didn’t use up his energy to conjure them water.</p><p>Fili took that choice out of his hands.</p><p>“I’m not traveling after that night. I might not feel like death warmed over anymore, but that was not fun. I think we should throw the jerky. That was the last thing I ate. Didn’t survive the heat I guess.”</p><p>And that was that. Fili got them water, and Kili filled every bottle and cup they had, just to be sure. But Fili was probably right. Kili hadn’t had food poisoning himself, the trials making him immune, but he had heard plenty in towns. Horrible thing, but once you were through you were through.</p><p>He ended up hunting that day, carefully in sight and call distance of Fili. They might not have seen any humans, and Fili was feeling better, could probably deal with some uppity predators, but Kili wasn’t risking it.</p><p>The bird he caught was colorful and a bit bigger than a chicken. He wasn’t looking forward to all the plucking but chicken was good for getting healthy again, wasn’t it? Their mother had always made them chicken soup when they got sick.</p><p>They finally moved on the following day, both tired of staying in the same spot. Fili wasn’t fully up and about yet, but he was thoroughly sick of Kili’s fussing - he might have gone a bit overboard, but Fili had scared him half to death so he thought that was deserved.</p><p>The shakes started in the middle of the day this time.<br/>
The same as before, Fili all but collapsing, cold even in the scorching summer heat and his temperature rising like metal that had been left out in the sun.</p><p>They needed shade, immediately.</p><p>There were some rocks in the distance, but they looked too small to provide much shade, and too far away to reach them quickly. So he put up their tent as quickly as he could, and used their water to drench a rag. He wasn’t sure if it would help, the sun beating on the canvas, but it was better than yet more sun. Fili could have put out another wind spell to cool them down, like he often did during the hotter hours, but bloody Witcher training had never covered any actual healing or helpful spells, just combat and more combat. The only thing halfway useful out of battle was how to start a fire and that bloody mind addling spell that Kili refused to use.<br/>
None of which were in anyway helpful!</p><p>Fili’s temperature kept rising. The whole bloody thing again, except this time without the night to help cool him to less dangerous temperatures.</p><p>The shout came out of nowhere.</p><p>Kili twisted around, hand on his sword and between the noise and Fili in the blink of an eye.</p><p>It was a woman. Probably. Dark skinned, clad in the fur of the spotted cats that hunted those not-goats. She had a bow, ready, but pointed to the ground, and a sword at her side.</p><p>He hadn’t heard her, too intent on Fili. She could have shot them, but she hadn’t.<br/>
Kili slowly removed his hand from his sword. He could be wrong, in which case he still had his signs to draw on, but she didn’t seem aggressive, just wary.</p><p>And as a local, she might know how to help Fili.</p><p>“Help. Please.” He spread his arms, hands low, palms up. He wasn’t giving up, just asking for help. Hopefully the combination would work. Or she would know Common, that would be even better.</p><p>Judging by the sounds out of her mouth, completely unfamiliar, she did not.<br/>
Trust Fili to be right in the worst possible moment.</p><p>He just shrugged helplessly, gestured to Fili - still safe behind him - and repeated his words. Fili would be so much better at charades.</p><p>But the woman put away the bow and arrow regardless, and came closer, keeping a wary eye on him as she did.</p><p>Fili choose that moment to vomit. Kili turned, knelt and held him through it. He still kept his ears peeled, prayed to anyone that would listen that he hadn’t judged wrong.</p><p>The woman knelt beside him, looked Fili over and gestured with her head towards the rocks in the distance. Kili might not understand the words that accompanied it, but he knew an offer of help when he saw one.</p><p>Or at least he hoped he did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A huge shout out to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegolasLovely/">LegolasLovely</a> - you are absolutely awesome, my dear! <i>*glomps you*</i><br/>And of course to all my readers, and all of you wonderful people who leave kudos, comments and asks. Thank you!❤️</p><p>I don't think this one needs any notes, though as always, let me know if you've got any questions!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fili felt like shit.<br/>
That was the first thing he became aware of, shortly followed by the realization that this, whatever it was, was definitely not food poisoning. It had been an optimistic guess anyway.</p><p>He was vaguely aware of what had happened, someone there, talk he couldn’t understand, Kili carrying him.</p><p>Blessed darkness and cool water, bitter herbs painfully swallowed.</p><p>The pain easing.</p><p>He found Kili in the corner of the… hut? Or whatever it was. It had a low ceiling, and Kili, giant that he was, could barely sit in it without hitting his head.<br/>
That must be wrong.<br/>
He tried to sit up, but the nausea came back with a vengeance, and it was all he could do not to puke out his guts again.</p><p>“Easy. We’re save for now. I found some people that seems to know what you have. Hopefully you’ll feel better soon. But you need to rest now.”</p><p>“Found them, eh? Looked to me more like they found us.” Fili croaked out. He could only guess Kili’s blush from the low, flickering light coming in from the open door.<br/>
Or, around the... fabric, in the door? He was too tired for this.</p><p>He only meant to close his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them again the light had changed.</p><p>“It’s noon, you slept through the night. The lady who helped you came by not long after you woke, gave you another elixir. Probably something for sleeping too.”</p><p>Kili was in the door this time, kneeling to fit.<br/>
It definitely was a low ceiling, he hadn’t imagined that.</p><p>“I’ve been here the whole time, just needed to move a bit. I’ve been helping the lady make your medicine - I don’t know anything about these plants, but the fact she lets me eases my mind to be honest.”</p><p>Fili laughed, still weak, but starting to feel better. He didn’t try to get up again though. Both because of how overprotective Kili always was when he got sick and because of the low roiling in his stomach, that sick feeling that hadn’t left. He wasn’t feverish anymore, but that said little, considering he hadn’t been feverish until he collapsed the second time too. But...</p><p>“Can’t hurt to know a bit more about the local plants. Hope you're paying attention. Now, you wouldn’t happen to know where their loo is, would you?”</p><p>Rolling over and climbing out of the ridiculously low hut was harder than it should be, but Kili at least didn’t make a fuss when Fili leaned on him while they walked. Or when he insisted he could piss on his own.</p><p>Bladder empty and a bit steadier on his feet - if not as much as he would like - Fili could appreciate his surroundings better on the way back.</p><p>The little huts - and they were little, not meant for more than sitting and lying down - blended into the surrounding area as if they had been there since time amoral. Probably made out of the ground they stood on. Would be impossible to see from a distance, Fili wagered, especially with the native plants surrounding them. They looked like little boulders, and only the fact they were perfectly arrayed around a wide open middle space - probably for socializing and cooking considering the size and simpleness of the huts - gave away they were man made. The doors were all leading to the middle, and Fili knew there were no windows on the other side. </p><p>“I wonder how many of these we passed on the way. Taking them for part of the landscape.”</p><p>“They do blend in well. I noticed them before, but I would have never thought them to be a village.”</p><p>“What’s with the plants anyway - don’t those get in the way?”</p><p>The plants - mostly herbs and bushes, the kind they had seen occasionally on their journey further east - were everywhere. There were only small paths between them and Fili had to be careful not to step on them, going side by side as they were.</p><p>“I think they are medicine. Or food. They don’t seem to have fields in the way we understand it. I’m not exactly sure how it all works yet.”</p><p>An elderly matron - her dark skin wrinkled, but still walking tall as if age didn’t affect her at all - came at them and shooed them back into the hut, insisting Fili drink something and ranting at Kili. She was surprisingly good at getting her meaning across despite them not understanding a word she said, and Kili was looking contrite by the time the elixir did it’s job and Fili drifted off into darkness again.</p><p>-</p><p>“Where are we going?” Fili murmured, tongue heavy. That elixir must have been strong. Stronger than anything Fili had ever drank before. It was night again, and Kili was carrying him...somewhere.</p><p>“They want us to go to with this lady that showed up, all decked up in gold. I think she tried to use a spell on you, but it didn’t work. The healer here seems to trust her, insists we go with her. I’m not happy about it either, but we aren’t exactly in any position to refuse. We don’t know if this will come back or not.”</p><p>This new women - younger this time, dressed in finery and adorned in weird golden jewelry, like no metal he had ever seen - lead them to a cart, drawn by what was probably horses. He couldn’t tell in the darkness. Horse shaped at least. She checked on him again, and he felt the healing spell she tried on him fizzle out.</p><p>Weird. He had always thought it was just his own spells that didn’t work on him, some failing on his part. The teachers had been able to cast spells on him, whenever he got hurt or sick.</p><p>The elderly matron brought another drought, but the woman sent her away, a worried frown on her face.</p><p>She gave them some furs instead, and spoke something slow and clear, trying to be understood against all odds. In the end she grabbed Kili’s hand, placing it securely on the carts edge. She repeated the words.</p><p>Hold on. Probably.</p><p>The advice was well meant - she rode like the devil was behind them, as fast as the cart could go without turning.</p><p>Fili vomited again - this time without even having the fever, the violent movement enough to make him ill - and wished he could have some of the strong stuff from the old lady again.</p><p>-</p><p>“Am I starting to have hallucinations or are we…”</p><p>“I’m seeing it too. No idea. I’ve never seen anything like it.”</p><p>They reached the green Kili had mentioned just before dawn. Fili assumed it was that at least. It looked like a giant forest, except there was no ground - just branches, put together like streets. They felt smooth under his feet, and were as thick as any stone bridge. Despite that they didn’t feel safe, without rails as they were, especially with how the cold was encroaching again, the first sign before the shakes started.</p><p>Kili lifted him into his arms before he could even ask.</p><p>They had left the cart and horses behind on stable ground, and between the half light of the morning and the by now painfully familiar rise of a fever he wasn’t sure what he was seeing. It looked like a grown labyrinth, trees and bushes and flower everywhere, up and down and sideways. How far below was the ground even? How could anyone live in trees?</p><p>But living they did - for the branch roads were bustling with people, humans and elves mostly, but some less familiar shapes too. It was as busy as any of the old towns, and yet nothing like it.<br/>
Fili closed his eyes when the world started spinning, and the impossible sights made the rising nausea worse. He would figure it out when he could think again.<br/>
For now, he curled up in Kili’s arms and tried not to throw up on him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kili hated feeling helpless.<br/>
But there was little he could do.<br/>
He followed, too concentrated on Fili’s once again steadily rising temperature to pay much mind to the impossible city around.<br/>
He waited in the corner of that strange room, seemingly grown instead of built, while people scurried around his brother like ants, trying to work magic, feeding him unknown potions.<br/>

It was torture.</p><p>Kili wouldn't know what they were doing if they told him - and they tried, or maybe there were just trying to ask him questions. It’s not like he could tell.<br/>
All he could do was hope that these people, for reasons he didn’t know, had decided to help them in their hour of need.<br/>
There wasn’t a darn thing he himself could do after all, not without risking making the situation infinitely worse.</p><p>But eventually the vomiting stopped, the fever passed and the scurrying lessened.</p><p>Fili didn’t wake up this time.</p><p>Kili took to pacing, back and forth just out of reach, eyes never leaving Fili’s still form.  He knew it was most likely a sleeping potion, meant to let him rest. Like the old lady had given him.  He knew there was no reason to waste any potions or magic on them if these people wished to see them dead.</p><p>But he also knew he had to give up his swords before being allowed in this weird, labyrinthine tree city, knew that they were surrounded, knew that there was absolutely nothing he could do to save Fili’s life but trust some fucking strangers!</p><p>Kind strangers, hopefully.</p><p>Kili got some more proof of the latter when one of the once scurrying men approached him with a basket. There wasn’t food in it - and Kili was glad, for the thought of trying to eat something while Fili just lay there made Kili want to puke himself.<br/>
No, he knew he needed to keep up his strength, but <i>no.</i></p><p>Instead, there were herbs and tools in it, and the man took Kili by the elbow and sat them down near Fili, on chairs that seemed to grow out of the ground before his eyes.</p><p>Living furniture. That was new.</p><p>The man chuckled at his reaction, gesturing to the whole room while he said something or another that made no sense to Kili. Perhaps explaining how they had managed to make trees grow into rooms, the wood even beneath his boots and the walls adorned with flowers and yet more herbs. Even the ceiling seemed to be a mess of branches, interlocking, growing into and out of each other.</p><p>The whole city was like that, as far as Kili had seen from their journey on foot.<br/>
Though he had been more preoccupied on Fili, and on trying to remember the way in case they needed to flee.<br/>
The latter hadn’t worked too well - there were just too many unknown smells and sights, the city seemingly shifting around him.</p><p>Literally, perhaps. The chairs were comfy though.</p><p>The man pressed a hand to himself, saying a single word slowly - Tuma. His name, probably. Kili gestured first to himself, then to Fili, slowly saying their own names. </p><p>Tuma lit up, apparently happy with even that little communication, and started showing him the herbs, enthusiastically babbling along.</p><p>He held up different kinds to Kili, some towards Fili, some away with a grimace. </p><p>For some reason, the stranger tried to teach him the local herbs. Some tradition perhaps? Considering the old matron had done the same? Or so they could help themselves next time?<br/>
Kili still didn’t know what they would ask of them in return, for all the help given, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.</p><p>It might not change anything right now, might not save Fili <i>right now</i>, but it might in the future. It was definitely more useful than fretful pacing.</p><p>Fili slept on, oblivious, and Kili learned how to make some simple elixirs, Tuma playing charades to let him know which one was good for what malady.</p><p>It was something.</p><p>It was better than just waiting.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Elder_Races">Elder Races</a>: Named because they lived on the <a href="https://witcher.fandom.com/wiki/Continent">Continent</a> before Humans arrived. A more polite term than Nonhumans, though the latter also applies to some races not counted as Elder Races.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fili felt... surprisingly well when he woke up.<br/>
No trace of nausea, or even the exhaustion that had dogged his every step for way too long.</p><p>Kili, sitting beside him, looked tired enough for both of them.</p><p>“Kili?” Fili asked, expecting his voice to be rough again, painful. Instead he just sounded sleepy.</p><p>He felt well rested. Healthy. When did that happen?</p><p>Kili jumped up, eyes wide, and only then did Fili realize that his brother must have fallen asleep in the chair, herbs and empty bottles and tools strewn about him.</p><p>They were alone. In a- a room made out of flowers and trees?!</p><p>“What the- where the fuck are we? And you look like shit - are you okay? You didn’t get sick too, did you?”</p><p>Kili just sacked against the... bed? Fili was lying on, a surprisingly comfortable thing of leaves and branches. </p><p>“You’re finally awake! Fuck, I thought I might lose you.” Kili legs gave out, and Fili pulled him close, let Kili’s head rest on his chest, hearing his heartbeat. Fili considered opening a connection again to reassure him, but with Kili out of his mind with worry, Fili didn’t want to risk both of them drowning in each other again.</p><p>“I’m here. I feel fine. But you aren’t. Come up here, rest. I’ll keep watch.”</p><p>Kili mumbled something about being safe - good to know - and didn’t fight when Fili used a little bit of magic to pull him up on the bed. Kili went out like a light as soon as his head hit the- well, the leaves. Fili had never seen his brother so exhausted before, so quick to fall asleep.</p><p>How many days had he been out of it? How long had Kili kept vigil, had refused to rest?</p><p>Before he could ponder it further, a man stepped into the strange room, his features relaxing and a smile growing the moment he saw Kili asleep. He bowed, and backed away.</p><p>Well. At least the people here were polite, he supposed. Perhaps Kili had made a friend?</p><p>Fili settled in to wait, to keep watch regardless. Kili had done the same for him after all.</p><p>-</p><p>It was the woman again. The younger, strangely adorned one that had led them to wherever they were now. She checked him over - her hands were warm, but he still stiffened at the unexpected touch.</p><p>She hesitated, before stepping back. Gestured to Kili. A hand in the direction of the door. A nod, when Fili gestured to both of them.</p><p>Fili woke his brother, a hand on his arm to gently shake him awake. It had been a while since that had been necessary - normally Kili woke the moment his name was spoken.</p><p>Normally he hadn’t stayed awake for who knew how long.</p><p>The way Kili woke now - sleepy faced, rubbing his eyes - was a sight Fili hadn’t seen for many, many years. A boy, echoing back through the man. Kili saw the woman, and the moment passed. He rolled out of bed, fluid as always, alert as if he hadn’t been sleeping just seconds before. Fili wished he could have let him sleep even longer, but he wasn’t exactly in any position to argue with the woman who had probably saved his life.</p><p>She kept a close eye on Fili while he rose, perhaps checking if he was steady on his feet this time. If she was checking out her handiwork, Fili supposed she deserved it - he had never felt better. And at least there was no heat in her eyes like there usually were in any that stared at him so long.</p><p>It was still uncomfortable.</p><p>The moment she had assured herself of whatever she was looking for, she turned around, bidding them to follow with a quick gesture.</p><p>The room had been unusual and extraordinary, had kept Fili occupied for hours while he played pillow, but the world outside was even more breathtaking.</p><p>Trees, as far as the eye could see, many different kinds all intertwined as one, building blocks for the great city around them. Countless people in strange fashions walking up and down branch highways as if they were as normal and unremarkable as any road. Yet more flowers and herbs everywhere, growing out of the trees, among the vines and branches, just in reach for easy plucking. And what he assumed to be people’s homes, almost round shapes hanging everywhere, made out of the same trees that supported everything.</p><p>It was breathtaking. It was beautiful. It was utterly impossible to make with any magic he knew.</p><p>He knew that there were mages who had an affinity for growing things, but something like this, obviously maintained and kept and nurtured for generations - it was mind boggling.</p><p>What it didn’t have, he realized after he kept looking around wide eyes for several minutes, keeping up only due to Kili’s hand at his back, was sunlight.</p><p>There were several plants that seemed to glow, suffusing the whole place in a warm, gentle light. But there were so many trees and leaves and homes and what not in every direction he couldn't even tell if it was night or day beyond them.<br/>
They were fully swallowed by the jungle city.</p><p>And the woman only lead them deeper.<br/>
Down and down they went, until less and less people in those strange clothes crossed their way, and more and more woman dressed like her, with that strange, thin jewelry. Fili was sure now it wasn’t gold - the other woman’s looked almost identical, but came in all kinds of colors. They looked almost like-</p><p>Scales.</p><p>That realization came about the same time as they finally broke through the treeline, getting a clear view of the grounds below.</p><p>And the very, very big lizards resting there.</p><p>Dragons.</p><p>Fili had only read about them in books, giant flying beast that spit fire and were all but impervious to magic - and able to cast it themselves. Opinions varied widely on if they were the scourge of the earth or wise beings they could learn from.</p><p>He felt Kili stiffen beside him, and held him still, a quick look and gesture letting him know not to make any sudden moves.</p><p>Fili didn’t know if Witchers hunted dragons or not - but there were people down there too, walking with no worry and even seeming to clean their scales.</p><p>These people obviously lived together with the dragons. Somehow. They wouldn't be as calm otherwise.<br/>
Hopefully that meant those giant beasts didn’t eat humans, especially not strangers lead down to them.</p><p>“I don’t like this, Fili.” Kili murmured to him. “I don’t have my swords, and as nice as they have been until now-”</p><p>“I know. But we don’t have much other choice, do we? I certainly don’t know how to get out of here again. But they haven’t bound us or anything. So hopefully…”</p><p>But what else would they bring them to the dragons for?</p><p>And how did any of this even work?! There were only a handful of tree trunks down below - impossibly thick, but too few for what lay above. The rest was taken up by a river, merrily gurgling along, and several great round indentations, filled with fluff and leaves and what not - it was too far below to see clearly. Some had dragons on them. One notable one had three <i>dragonlings</i> in them, with the mother dragon nowhere in sight. The people seemed to take care of them.</p><p>They walked above on now smaller bridges, not wide enough to walk side by side anymore. Kili was a steady presence behind him. It wasn’t quite enough to keep the fear at bay, like it usually would have been.</p><p>But… dragons! Despite the fear, the uncertainty, he tried to soak in everything he could. What the people did, how the dragons acted, how they looked, their body structure, how they might fly despite their weight - it must be magic, surely, not even those giant wings could hold a creature as big as that. Unless they had hollow bones like birds did? But how would those hold the amount of muscles and scales on those bodies without caving in?! Whether it was the last sight he saw or not - and he rather wished it wasn’t, he hadn’t looked for Kili for so long to only have a year with him! - this was a once in a life time opportunity! One he was sure no other sorcerer in Ban Ard ever had - perhaps even any mage in all of the northern lands.</p><p>It was terrifying - and absolutely magnificent.</p><p>But it wasn’t endless. Eventually their guide took another path downwards, close to a dragon the same shade of gold as her jewelry. Definitely scales then. Shed ones, perhaps, considering the Dragons were certainly there of their own volition. Though Fili had no idea how they got there. Or how they left, with a whole jungle above them. Perhaps there was a way out at the end of the river? Or a hole left in the jungle for them to fly through? He hadn’t seen nearly enough to make any worthwhile guesses.</p><p>The dragon saw them - and laughed.</p><p>‘So many questions. You would have been right at home here, golden one.’</p><p>The voice reverberated though his skull, in a way no telepathy ever had before.<br/>
It wasn’t <i>painful</i>, not really, but despite the relief of finding someone they could communicate with, the thought of it being an ancient and very powerful being that had somehow found a way into their heads was not a comforting one.</p><p>“Why are we here?” Kili ground out, high strung like a wire. He was afraid, Fili knew, most likely more so than Fili even could be. Between Fili having been sick and his already enhanced emotions, Kili seemed a powder keg ready to explode.<br/>
Fili took a step forward, a clear sign from their merchant days he would handle it diplomatically - or would try to at least - and tried to defuse.</p><p>“We are grateful of course, oh great dragon, for the help your people gave and the opportunity to meet one as awe inspiring as you are.”</p><p>The dragon chuckled. Chortled even. Better than rage probably, but how exactly were they supposed to talk to dragons anyway?! Especially ones obviously well taken care of - worshiped, perhaps. It would explain all the fuss down here.</p><p>“There’s no need to stroke my ego. My priestess tells me you have some unusual and persistent malign spells on you that she could not easily lift. I found myself curious how you obtained such spells and why you were punished with them in the first place.”</p><p>Punished with spells? Fili desperately tried to think of what the dragon could mean, which kinds of spells might warrant this amount of attention. They had carefully stayed away from all mages since that blasted kidnapping attempt, and Fili had checked himself over for tracking spells and anything else they might have attempted to sneak onto him. There had been none, certain as they had been they had him. And the last time before that- oh.</p><p>“Do you mean the spell that keeps me from using portals? I was trained by a group of mages and insisted I was ready for an assignment before they believed me to be. They put the spell on me so I would not leave my post, and promised to remove it once I returned. The person I was assigned to attacked-”</p><p>Fili closed his mouth with a click and glared. It wasn’t a strong compulsion, mostly insidious, but nonetheless very much unwelcome. </p><p>The part about how they could cast magic, and not just the telepathic kind, was definitely true then.</p><p>“So you deserted?”</p><p>“I defended myself!” he snapped back. “And the pig deserved his fate after-!”</p><p>Fili bit his tongue again. Not helpful. Fucking truth compulsion. </p><p>The dragon’s thoughtful hum echoed around in his head, and Fili had the distinct feeling of someone rummaging around in his skull. It wasn’t unfamiliar - nor as painful as when his teacher had done it, to train him to shield himself better - though he wished no less he could cut the connection. Despite how much he had trained his mental walls, he suspected they might as well be paper to the dragon.</p><p>“True enough. What he tried was reprehensible. Though you didn’t help your case by running.”</p><p>Fili just glared this time. Fuck diplomacy. </p><p>“I assume the other spell is from your teachers as well then?”</p><p>Other spell? What kind of other spell could he be talking about? Fili tried to rake his brain, knowing it would make his mind even easier read - but it wasn’t like the dragon wasn’t doing that already anyway.</p><p>He couldn't find anything it might be referring to.</p><p>“So you aren’t aware of it. Interesting. You have a parasitic spell on you, one more complex than any of its kind I have seen so far. Not unbreakable of course, but quite fascinating. It appears to absorb all positive magic cast on you. Up to a certain threshold at least, which appears to be quite high by now. Why would your teachers cripple you so? Especially without telling you about it?”</p><p>Fili stomach plummeted, a horrible suspicion rising in it’s stead.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>“That one’s old, isn’t it? Can you tell?”</p><p>“It seems to be. You must have been quite young when it was placed on you.”</p><p>Fili sighed. Figured. Of course they had. With how much trouble he had caused…</p><p>He felt his mouth opening without thinking about it. His thoughts spelling out into the open. Fucking dragons. Maybe he could at least guide his words if he couldn't outright stop them? He knew how sensitive Kili was about any mentions of bad things happening to him.</p><p>“I didn’t want to be there. Had to save Kili. They wouldn't let me leave. Said I would go insane without training. I used what they taught me to try it anyway, they stopped me every time. I have an affinity for illusion and enchantments. I assume they feared I would use them to escape if I could use them on myself.”</p><p>The dragon seemed satisfied for now, the urge to speak disappearing. Focusing did seem to help, as much as he still couldn't outright lie or keep important information pertaining the question back. Still, at this point…</p><p>“Does that satisfy your curiosity, oh noisy one?”</p><p>Another laugh, this time loud enough to make him wince. Had the dragon been mentally whispering for their sake?</p><p>“It does, though the culture and practices of your land seem strange to me. Still, perhaps we can help each other. I have heard of people like your brother from my kin to the west, honorable monster hunters who sell their skill for coin. Traveling as you are, our coin would not help you long, so how about a trade? I remove the spells binding you and you bring us materials we need for a special healing elixir.”</p><p>“What kind of materials?” Kili stepped beside him. This was his domain, after all. He was stone faced again, no hint of what he had thought of the whole exchange or of the dragon himself. “And do you have any clues where to start? We aren’t overly familiar with this area.”</p><p>“Firebird’s feather’s and ash. You can find one to the north. Last I heard it made it’s home on the Fiery Mountain Range - it should be easy to find, especially at night. They glow like the fire they are named after.”</p><p>“If it’s so easy to find, why not collect the materials yourself?”</p><p>“The last person we sent did not come back unharmed. The people of the north are roving vagabonds, warlike in nature, quick to attack. They are also incredibly territorial despite their constantly moving nature. They have made it clear that they will band together and march on us if our people step foot in their land again. We wish to avoid unnecessary blood spilling. And you two, pale as you are, can not be mistaken as one of ours. Besides, is this not what you usually do anyway?”</p><p>“Would they truly start a war just because a dragon flies over their land?”</p><p>“No. But we dragon’s have a peace treaty with the firebirds. Millennia old. It will not be hard to convince them to shed their current skin - they are reborn and near impossible to kill for good. You need not attempt that. But it might be considered an aggression if I asked them to die so the young of my kind have an easier childhood. Especially childless as they themselves are.”</p><p>Kili started asking for more details and Fili took the opportunity to look around at the other dragons and nests. Despite the comparable rudeness of their host - truth compulsion, really! - the giddiness of being surrounded by such magnificent creatures had not fully left him. Especially now he was reasonably sure they weren’t on the menu. He didn’t dare wander off, but he looked his fill on how the dragon’s were build, how they moved, the way they interacted with the humans tending to them. There seemed to be an overall indulgence for their Tenders, and the humans - all of them woman he realized - treated them with a loving reverence. Their faces were warm, inviting, and every one seemed to be glad to be there. A dragon further away, red in color, even had young children climbing all over them, the caretaker adorned with her scales laughing at their antics.<br/>
It seemed the dragon’s were both- not rulers, but definitely respected - and family. In as much as that was possible.</p><p>It was still mind boggling. How had a city like this ever come to be? Not just the impossible magic - which he was itching to study, as much as he knew he would need to learn the local language first - but the cohabitation of such vastly different beings?<br/>
It seemed likely that it was a symbiotic relationship, based on the interactions he could see, and the lack of worry in the people living above.<br/>
Fili knew that even humans and the elder races - elves, dwarves, gnomes and the like - had trouble living close together in their own home land. Sentient beings that looked so different, were so much stronger than them, would never be accepted among humans there.</p><p>So how had it happened here? What made these humans so different?</p><p>His questions remained unanswered of course, and much too soon Kili had extracted all information he could - including some about herbs, if Fili had heard correctly. Perhaps he had realized Fili’s fascination, or found one of his own. There had been herbs strewn about him when Fili woke after all.</p><p>The trip up was still incredible - such an impossible sight always would be - but was otherwise unremarkable. Fili paid more attention to the people this time, not just the plants, and was not surprised to find several elves and dwarves among them, as well as some forms he had not seen before. They seemed a very welcoming culture.</p><p>Before long Fili could see the sun through the leaves again, and the open fields beyond the grown city. The grass was still green close by, but faded out further afield - perhaps whatever they had done to make this possible fertilized the land around it too. A bleed off effect, perhaps, considering the grasses, bushes and herbs on the outside seemed completely unremarkable.</p><p>Especially compared to the city. A quick glance below as they were escorted out showed how the trees seemed to grow out of the chasm wall - perhaps that’s how most of the city was anchored then.<br/>
Once they were outside - their weapons and equipment returned, along with some herbs Kili carefully stowed away - Fili could see how the trees reached even further into the sky, creating a living wall reaching from the north to the south as far as his eyes could see. </p><p>They had a long track ahead just for some alchemy ingredients, considering the city surely didn’t reach into those foreign, northern lands.</p><p>Apropos-</p><p>“What were those herbs they gave you, before we left?”</p><p>“Medicine, against the sickness you had. It can be taken as a preventative when brewed as tea. I also learned some basic elixirs with the local flora while they were healing you. I’m not sure if they wanted the potions I made for repayment or just to stop my pacing. Strange people. But more importantly, why didn’t this spell surprise you? Or got some reaction at least! All of this could have been prevented if you could have healed yourself when you started feeling sick - or if the damn amulets had been able to do their job! You scared me half to death! Why aren’t you angry at the fuckers?!”</p><p>Fili stopped for a moment to pull Kili into a crushing hug. He didn’t let go until at least some of the tension flowed out of his brother. Kili knew he would answer - Fili always did - but physical closeness was still the best way to calm him. Fili wondered for a moment if another round of sex might help Kili feel better, help assure him Fili was fine now. But considering how charged that topic had still been before, how carefully Kili had breached it, it was probably a bad idea. Better to let Kili set the pace there, considering all the steps of courting had always gone over Fili’s head.</p><p>“You have no idea the kind of shit I got up to at the Academy, Kili. The pranks we pulled at home were harmless compared to that. I’m pretty sure they put that on me in self defense of their sanity. So while I would like having it off, it’s- I have lived without being able to effect myself for years now. I wish they had at least told me so I didn’t think I was just an idiot for not getting it right, but I get why they put it on me. And I got most of my anger out after I fled the Baron and couldn't use portals for that. That one is a much bigger thorn in my side, to be honest.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t have been as easy to track you down if you were teleporting all over the place.” Kili grudgingly admitted, still obviously unhappy with the situation.<br/>
Fili almost opened the connection between them again, meaning to send a quick burst of amusement and acceptance, maybe smooth at least some of the probably tumultuous emotions, when he realized what he was about to do. And what he hadn’t done.</p><p>“Are you still okay with me opening a connection? You asked me to stop last time - was that overall or-?”</p><p>Kili looked at him, eyes uncertain. He suddenly seemed nervous, uncomfortable. </p><p>“I don’t know. I enjoyed it, but I don’t want to influence you. I know you do it intentionally with me, and I’m okay with that, I trust you, but I don’t want my own mess to hurt you. So... not as much at least? Or maybe only in emergencies for now. I don’t think I want it open all the time. I know you only want to help, but…”</p><p>“It’s okay. I still think it would help, but we won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable. You know that, right? “ </p><p>“Yeah, I do.”</p><p>There was still a lot of work ahead of them. And not just the materials - Fili hadn’t given up on helping Kili deal with his emotions better, so they wouldn't overwhelm him or he had to suppress them all the time. As much as he would have to make sure Kili was comfortable with sharing their emotions again first. And then there was this whole new dynamic growing between them. It was obviously important to Kili - and as such to Fili too - but he had to admit he had little to no idea to the steps of that dance. What Kili expected or wanted or even needed.</p><p>But they had time. It was highly unlikely they had anyone on their tracks anymore, and they even had a specific goal again, a bonafide quest like they did them before the kidnapping attempt. They were good at those and Fili had missed working towards something again.</p><p>And gathering a few ingredients should be a breeze, compared to everything else they had overcome so far.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Witchers don't usually hunt dragons, sentient beings as they are. Hence their good reputation among them.</p><p>As a heads up: There will probably be less notes from now on, as we have left the lands visited in Witcher canon behind. While I have let myself be inspired by what little is known about the eastern lands, its not like Fili or Kili know anything about these areas either, so no further information on them should be needed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t that Kili didn't want the connection between them, he explained once more.</p><p>Not that Fili was asking. Kili just wanted to be perfectly clear about it. He tried to wax poetic about how much Fili meant to him, how thankful he was, how he loved the way Fili's emotions and thoughts felt, the fierceness, the pride, the protectiveness, the curiosity, the <i>love.</i></p><p>Kili stumbled over the words every time - and still refused to let his emotions speak for him.</p><p>"I have to learn! You deserve to <i>hear</i> it, not just feel it. And I need to be sure I'm not influencing you! I just-"</p><p>Fili sighed, and Kili shut up.</p><p>His brother had been almost sappy at Kili's first attempt. A gentle teasing, a soft smile. He had also accepted Kili decision to not have their emotions connected - though Fili made it clear he didn’t agree.</p><p>Maybe that was why Kili felt the need to bring it up again so often. How could he make Fili <i>see?</i></p><p>"I know this is hard for you, and I appreciate that you're trying to learn. You've come so far already! But we also know they did something to your emotions. Just letting that be without doing anything about it will only make it worse. My emotions helped steady you, it <i>worked</i> and I just don’t want you to face this alone! And I can’t think of anything else that might help! Never mind that you won’t influence me! I promise you-"</p><p>"But I already have! You wouldn’t have wanted to-"</p><p>Fili threw his hands up in the air and actually screamed at the sky.</p><p>Seemed even his ever patient brother - at least with Kili - had a breaking point.</p><p>Apparently realizing they wouldn’t get through to each other - having had the same argument in all kinds of variations ever since leaving that strange city behind - they continued in silence, both stomping and grunting and disgruntled all around.</p><p>A day without any talk actually gave him plenty of time to think though.</p><p>Fili wanted to help, Kili knew. He always wanted to help, took responsibility, talked big about healing what had been done to Kili without acknowledging his own scars.</p><p>Ban Ard didn't sound like sunshine and roses, no matter how much Fili tried to laugh it off.</p><p>Kili would never forgive them, for any of it. Just like Fili would never quite forgive himself for Kili getting taken, as much as he pretended he had.</p><p>That magic connection went both ways.<br/>
Or at least Fili’s did.</p><p>And that was exactly why Kili couldn’t risk it. Sure, it had been nice - but he had already overwhelmed Fili once.<br/>
Kili didn’t want an encore, as much as the memory still played through his head everyday. The way Fili had felt, how they-</p><p>But Fili didn’t want sex, not for his own sake. Just to make Kili happy. It didn’t matter that Fili insisted he was fine, both physically and with having sex again.</p><p>...But why didn't it matter? Kili had always said he trusted Fili - and meant it.</p><p>The thought wouldn’t leave him alone, following him the long way up north. The jungle to the east had made way for an open chasm a while ago now, and the fiery mountains were starting to loom in the distance.<br/>
By the time they were setting up camp - Kili brewing the bitter tea that would keep Fili healthy, as much as his brother despised it - Kili had almost worked it out.</p><p>"I don’t trust myself." Kili started, without conscious thought, but wanting to get it out of his head at least. And that’s what Fili wanted, wasn’t it? To know, so he could help? "And I think, when we-" a deep breath, steadying himself so he wouldn’t chicken out. "I feel like I sullied you, when I slept with you. No! Let me speak! I need you to listen!"</p><p>Fili closed his mouth, teeth clenched. After a few seconds he nodded.</p><p>"We didn’t talk about it, nothing about it was clear and no matter how often you tell me otherwise, like this I’ll always wonder if my feelings... infected you. It wasn’t your <i>choice</i>, just like it wasn’t mine, and I hate that, that uncertainty."</p><p>Kili paused, gathering his thoughts. Fili luckily knew him enough not to interrupt, taking his request seriously no matter how badly he undoubtedly wanted to speak up.</p><p>And that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? Fili might complain, but in the end he always indulged Kili, put him first. No matter what.</p><p>"I trust you, but if we are going to continue this, I need to be sure you are doing it because you want to. Not for me. Not because my emotions influence you. I need to know it’s you. Not an echo of me and what I want."</p><p>The silence stretched between them, and Fili looked pensive. Kili wasn’t sure if his silence was because Fili was thinking about what he said, or because Kili hadn’t taken back his words yet. Should he have given a sign, told him he could talk now? Surely Fili wouldn't need that?</p><p>He didn’t. As Kili worried over nothing, Fili looked up, full attention on Kili.</p><p>Fili had no idea what that intense look did to Kili’s insides, did he?</p><p>"How would we do that? I'm not going to just let you stew in your emotions, and while I have no doubt you would never touch me against my will, I severely doubt you can just put that back where it was before. You want me. You had me. That doesn’t just go away, does it?"</p><p>"... I don’t know? Its not like I'm an expert in these things!" Jumping up, Kili paced back and forth, the movement giving him at least some outlet for his blasted confusing emotions.</p><p>Fili, helpfully, stayed silent.</p><p>Fuck, he wished things were simple like before. He would pace himself out, Fili would hug him close, talk him through everything that went on in his head, and they would sleep side by side, tangled together, safe behind wards and traps and super human senses.</p><p>Kili stopped, suddenly.</p><p>Why couldn't things be simple again?</p><p>"What if we talk, every night. Just talk, like we used to. Like we do now. Figure it out bit by bit. Be close again. Without the sex and the worries and the stupid insecurity! What if we try to just... let this grow? See how we like it when we take it slow."</p><p>"I assume you don’t mean exactly like before, right? I don’t want us to play pretend like nothing happened. I don’t think that would work for long and I prefer we don’t start lying to ourselves."</p><p>As if Fili didn’t already do plenty of that, the hypocrite. But perhaps lying about his past before they met helped Fili deal with it. Who knew.<br/>
Either way, mentioning it would just cause them to squabble like children again, and Kili was getting sick of that. It's not like any of it could be changed now anyway - aside from at least getting those fucking spells off.</p><p>"Not exactly. But we didn’t start out being that close - we grew that way over time. So why not do that again? Like, we cuddle, and if it feels right, we maybe try kissing? Or we see what kind of touches you might like, and which not. Just... slowly, so we can both adapt and be sure we do it for the right reasons. I know I jump into a lot of situations too quickly, and that doesn’t always turn out right. I can’t risk <i>us</i> the same way."</p><p>"Makes sense. And I mean, those courting rules between couples probably come from somewhere. Though we are <i>not</i> keeping to some arbitrary rules!"</p><p>Kili snorted at Fili’s scandalized expression and tone, as if adhering to any rules went against his very nature. Perhaps it did.</p><p>Following Kili’s amused shake of the head, Fili continued: "But that doesn't clear up how we will handle your unusually strong emotions - yes I know, you would prefer I drop it. I'm not going to - you need <i>help</i> Kili! And we don't exactly have anyone we can ask - unless you want that dragon rummaging around in your head? Probably in return for another fetch quest?"</p><p>That bloody-<br/>
Kili had always known Fili was stubborn - almost as stubborn as Kili was - but considering Fili hadn’t taken him seriously when Kili tried to warn him there was something odd going on, Kili didn’t really feel the sudden bloody mindedness was warranted. Which didn’t mean that Fili would drop it.</p><p>"Ugh! Fine! Compromise! If the talking isn’t enough for you and you want to take a closer look, we can - but there’ll be no touching after that! ... Or at least nothing past what we did before..."</p><p>Taking out all physical comfort felt too much like he was punishing them both. Fili was trying to help, and Kili had missed sleeping curled up together.</p><p>"Do you really hate it so much?” Fili asked him, looking away, a note of hurt in his voice. “I thought you enjoyed it before I got sick? What changed? Or did I misunderstand your feelings so badly?"</p><p>"You... I..." Another sigh, more pacing, hands in his hair. Why couldn’t any of this be easier?! "I do! Enjoy it I mean! But I don’t want it when I'm not sure if- Gah!"</p><p>Warm arms around him stopped Kili cold and he forced himself to let the nervous energy go, to let everything that was overwhelming him flow out while he melted into Fili's arms.</p><p>"I miss this more." Kili admitted, quietly. The way Fili smelled, the way his arms were warm around Kili’s middle, the physical strength that was nothing compared to Kili’s and yet he could never bring himself to break away from.</p><p>"Let’s just sleep for now.” Fili offered. “Don’t think about any of it for a while. I think taking it slow is a good idea - we can figure the rest out on the way."</p><p>It was bliss, finally having Fili in his arms again - worries about consent and where it could lead and if he deserved to touch Fili at all ruthlessly shoved aside. This was familiar, this was them through and through.</p><p>Fili was right, they had always figured it out as they went. And they would find solid, common ground again. They were both to stubborn to let this come between them.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As skeptical as Fili had been, Kili’s attempts to openly talk about his emotions did seem to help. Some, at least.</p><p>Talking about it didn’t make the anger or hurt disappear, they both knew, and Kili still got frustrated often, especially when he couldn’t find the right words. But at least his brother seemed more comfortable again, more likely to reach out. Perhaps the physical contact - cuddling, hugs, the occasional shy touch, Kili’s eyes intent on Fili’s reaction - helped there too.</p><p>And besides, the journey was long - it wasn’t like they had much else to do but talk.<br/>
And Kili’s attempts to describe the feelings he had when he hunted had seemed to abide the cruelty. Even if Fili couldn’t say whether that was because talking about it actually did something or because the landscape had changed, green fields as far as the eye could see, not a hint of yellowed, dead earth left.</p><p>He missed feeling Kili’s emotions. It had surprised him to realize how much he had come to depend on it in such a short time. Despite his initial hesitance, being able to share their innermost feelings and memories and having constant proof of how much Kili loved him had felt amazing. At it made understanding his brother so much easier than taking apart every tiny gesture.</p><p>But that wasn’t fair, was it? Kili tried to show more emotions, tried so hard to overcome his conditioning. And he was. He laughed openly again, and had taken to gesticulating when he was excited - even if Fili was pretty sure that was over the top, a deliberate attempt by his brother to make himself easier to read, to let his emotions out and realize he wouldn’t be hurt for them.</p><p>Fili was proud of him. Had been so proud to be able to read him, know him so deeply.</p><p>Taking a shortcut - as pleasurable and amazing a shortcut as it was - wasn’t fair to Kili.</p><p>As much as Fili still wished he could just find a spell to make everything magically okay sometimes. Undo what had been done. But that didn’t exist, and no amount of soul searching would change that. He had his brother with him now, just as he was, and that was good.</p><p>Healing took time.</p><p>Well, psychological healing at least, especially with them being a Mage and a Witcher, and a firebird in the distance. A bird famous for it’s magic healing abilities - not the weirdest thing Fili had ever heard, though he was still suspicious that there was more to the story than the dragon had told. They would know soon enough. </p><p>The mountain range loomed bigger everyday, the fiery glow that marked the bird - and perhaps named the mountains - more visible every night. Wherever the exact border between these countries was, they had certainly left it long past.</p><p>They had decided early to evade the tribes living here, not wanting to risk contact with a people so supposedly violent - especially with no way of talking their way out of anything. As useful as telepathy was, thoughts were still words more often than not, so language barriers still applied. And emotions were hardly a good basis for an explanation why they were traveling through their land. Fili didn’t quite understand why nomad people would mind that - he had never heard Uncle Thorin or their mom complain if a different caravan made use of their spots after they left them. Usually good places to set up where even shared whenever they would meet another caravan.</p><p>But these were not their people. And safe was better than dead - or causing unnecessary death. And they both had no interest in picking up pursuers once again.<br/>
No, hiding was best.</p><p>If not always easiest.<br/>
It was only Kili’s eyesight and the sight enhancement Fili had made for him that made it possible at all.</p><p>These people didn’t travel with carts - they traveled by horse. All of them.<br/>
Apparently every single person, even the children, rode them, carrying everything that they had in the bags on their horses. Including big, round tents that they spent the night in. Fili wondered how that all worked, how these nomads differed from the caravans he knew from his childhood and from their own long travels. They themselves had magic on their side, after all, an enchanted canvas they used for a tent and bedrolls that always stayed dry. It wasn’t the most comfortable way to travel perhaps, but they had been doing it long enough it didn’t matter anymore. Freedom wasn’t always a comfortable thing in the end, but it was oh so worth it.</p><p>And it was still better than risking another stay at a tavern - not that that was an option anymore, anyway. There had been no actual buildings they could see.</p><p>Just those tents - and the too fast riders.</p><p>It had taken some quick illusions and outright running to evade them once or twice already, even with Kili’s ability to see them coming. Horses were just too bloody fast, and they had to stay on constant alert.</p><p>Ironically enough, that seemed to help Kili focus better than even the illusions did.</p><p>“It’s a real threat. As helpful as illusions are, and as lifelike as yours are by now, I know they aren’t real, can’t really hurt me. It’s good training - but this is reality.”</p><p>Buggers. Guess they hadn’t helped as much as Fili had hoped.<br/>
Not that they could risk them now anyway, not with how fast these people rode. They had to move the moment Kili noticed anything on the horizon - and he hardly could notice anything, in the midst of an illusion.</p><p>Needless to say, the quick pace allowed them to reach the mountain in a much shorter time than they had spent traveling east. Which meant it was time to climb. Joy.<br/>
The Fiery Mountains proved an easier climb at least than the lowest point - according to Kili - of the Tir Torchair Mountain range had.<br/>
Fewer steep walls of death for one.</p><p>Much more heat for another - instead of the air getting colder the higher they went, the temperature seemed to rise with every step, until they were sweating even if they didn’t move. Which they had to, to get this over and done with.</p><p>Fili hated climbing.<br/>
He hated what he found at the top even more.</p><p>The firebird had looked right at him the moment his head crested the ledge. He hadn’t gotten a good look aside from how utterly <i>giant</i> it was. Instead he had ducked instinctively, warning Kili with a look, thoughts racing. Where could they even try fight that thing if it attacked? Surely not the ledges! And there was no cover up there at all!<br/>
And that thing was <i>massive!</i><br/>
And didn’t move an inch. No wing beats, no rustling of feather’s. Kili sent him an amused look while he heaved himself over the ledge, hand held out for Fili to grab.</p><p>“They aren’t aggressive.” Kili chuckled. “Didn’t you listen to the dragon?”</p><p>“Not as well as I should have, apparently.”</p><p>The bird looked at them - and chuckled.<br/>
Not again.<br/>
The giant head - with a sharp beak bigger than either of them - cocked as it looked at them closer.</p><p>“Come for my feathers, have you? No one on this earth who doesn’t covet them, beautiful as they are.”</p><p>They were - the bird looked a bit like a glowing red peacock, with a trail of feathers laid around it’s giant body like a cat with a tail. Each one was easily as big as they were - how where they meant to transport these?!</p><p>Kili approached without worry, as if the massive bird truly was little more than a housecat. “Not just your feathers, firebird. We require some of your ash. Surely by now you tire of being stuck on the ground, would like a new start.”</p><p>The overgrown peacock fluffed itself up like a cat too, all indignation.</p><p>“Are you calling me fat?!”</p><p>Well, it was that too.</p><p>“You can’t fly, can you?”</p><p>There was a long drawn silence at that and Fili readied his magic. This was a fight he was not looking forward to. It was too hot for starters, and while he couldn’t see it’s talons he had no interest in meeting them.</p><p>Instead, the bird sacked together, like a puppet with it’s strings cut.</p><p>“I can’t, no. But that has nothing to do with my weight. I’m sitting on top of a reservoir of living fire, molten earth - if I leave, it erupts, destroying everything in it’s path. You included. It feeds me, seemed a good source, but we firebirds are creatures of life and I do not wish to scourge the earth behind me. So no. I can not help you, as much as I would wish to fly in a new body.<br/>
...Not unless you can calm this fire, at least.”</p><p>The speech was as dramatic and over the top as the bird seemed to be, all with melodramatic sighs and gestures by it’s stubby wings. They had been as beautiful as it was, once upon a time, Fili had no doubt, but not using them had left behind little more than chicken wings, small and frail compared to it’s giant, rotund body.</p><p>He tried to get a closer look at this fire the bird was containing, but the heat was just too strong, even the ice he tried to summon around him nothing more than a water cloud in seconds.</p><p>Fuck, that had been a bad idea. He tried to shoo away the rising steam with a wind spell, desperately trying to dry himself off, while Kili kept talking to their new client. That had absolutely sounded like a thinly veiled fishing for help after all. </p><p>“Any idea how to go about that, fire creature as you are? Not much we can do without more information.”</p><p>The bird sighed, seemingly deep in thought, before replying: “There is one thing that might work. There’s an undead sorcerer to the north, horrible creature, all rotting flesh and bone. He has been terrorizing the people of that land for longer than I have been stuck here now, having separated his soul from his body in a bit for immortality. I believe, with all the cruelty it has amassed over the years, that the soul of that lich would be cold enough to freeze even this sea of fire.”</p><p>That sounded like bogus. An undead sorcerer whose soul could calm a volcano? But Kili just sighed.</p><p>“Any more information, aside from up north? Does it carry it’s soul on it, does it have a specific region? We can’t exactly question the locals.”</p><p>With a harrumph, like they were inconveniencing it, it described the path to a tower, in which this “Koschei” had supposedly hidden his soul.</p><p>Fili wondered how it knew that so precisely.</p><p>But Kili shook his head, just that tiny bit, and Fili kept his question to himself. Kili was the specialist in dealing with magical creatures after all. Fili honestly just wanted out of this darn heat, without being eaten if possible.</p><p>“We’ll have to climb this mountain again, won’t we?” Fili asked despondently on their way down, the heat finally abiding enough he didn’t feel like he was being cooked alive.</p><p>“Yep. Looks that way.”</p><p>“And we both know that was a bogus story, right? I mean, I’ve heard of lichs, but never that their soul can freeze things.”</p><p>“It gave it’s word it would give us what we need if we brought it the soul. Whatever it needs it for, why ever it thought to lie about it, it’s said that a firebird always keeps it’s promise. They are bound to their oaths. And lichs are bad news anyway. Worse than bandits by far. Can’t hurt to take care of it, though we should try to avoid combat - their soul is their only weak spot, and we won’t get it if we get it’s attention first.”</p><p>“Well, let’s see if my illusions hold up to ancient evil sorcerers then, if not to dragons.”</p><p>Kili laughed and bumped their shoulders together.</p><p>“I don’t think there’s any spells a dragon can’t look through - especially a golden one. Was taught they didn’t exist - golden dragons I mean, not dragons overall.”</p><p>Having made their camp in the lower reaches of the mountain - but still far above any point a horse could reach - they figured they were safe enough for a night of full rest, and perhaps some more experimenting.</p><p>Fili did find he liked the attention, the careful hands and lips, the way Kili looked like a cat that got the canary whenever Fili moaned. It might not have been something he had ever been particularly interested in, but the way Kili carefully mapped out every spot on Fili’s body, cataloged every reaction to see what he would enjoy, was certainly pleasurable. </p><p>It also kept them well distracted, unfortunately.</p><p>By the morn a tribe had gathered at the foot of the mountain, apparently having somehow noticed them - perhaps seen them on the way down. Fili had figured not slipping and falling to his death was more important than focusing on not being seen.</p><p>Perhaps not.</p><p>The warriors were making no attempt to climb - but their bows were in easy reach and they could secure every spot Fili and Kili might come down on long before they touched the ground.</p><p>Not good.</p><p>Fili doubted he could get them to spend all their arrows while they were still in the mountains, not if they realized he could divert them with a gush of wind. And while they were both good fighters- great in Kili’s case, and Fili had insisted on learning some of Kili’s tricks to supplement his magic - the odds were definitely against them. Roughly twenty warriors on horseback, and at least one mage. And with all terrain advantages on their enemies side.</p><p>Not good at all.</p><p>But in the end, the patience of the warriors, thinking them cornered, allowed them to come up with a plan at least. Perhaps not a good plan, but a plan.</p><p>Fili cast an illusion over their whole camp, making it look like they were still up there. The mage, at least, would have to be a master at it to recognize it from so far away.<br/>
It wouldn’t hold forever, but with as much time as he had to pour his power into the spell it should at least last an hour or two.</p><p>Enough, hopefully, to safely get down under the cover of an invisibility spell.</p><p>That part was trickier, for while Kili could use one of his rings, Fili had to cast the illusion around himself rather than on him, which took much more attention and energy, especially while moving. In the end Fili swallowed his pride - Kili would carry him on his back, so Fili only had to concentrate on holding on and keeping the spell active. </p><p>If they should still be noticed Kili would try to cast one of his mind befuddling signs on the horses - much easier to influence than the humans - and Fili would cast several illusions of doppelgangers, so their pursuers would have to split up to try and find the right one. It would hopefully be enough to at least even the odds - he had no intention of being captured. Who knew what they would do. Perhaps the dragon had exaggerated but Fili wasn’t in a mood to find out.</p><p>And if they didn’t mind travelers, why would they wait at the mountain for them?</p><p>Luckily, they never found out. Kili climbed down fast, and while they still heard the commotion when the illusion on the mountain gave out, the riders realizing they had been had, their own invisibility was holding enough for them to steadily run north.</p><p>Kili really had incredible stamina and strength, Fili had to admit - he never put Fili down, insisting it would be easier for them both that way. It was, to be honest.</p><p>Eventually the sound of hooves and frantic shouts were left behind, but Kili didn’t let Fili off until they weren’t visible in the distance anymore - even to Kili’s eyes.<br/>
They ended up traveling through the night, north, north and further north.</p><p>Fili wondered if they would see snow again - it had to be autumn by now. Not that there were many trees to guess it from. He missed the cold, strangely enough. As much as he had cursed it in the years in Ban Ard, his body had gotten used to it, much more then the blasted heat of southern summers. </p><p>“Never thought you would like the cold!” Kili chuckled at him. Fili hadn’t been fond of it as a child, that was true, as much as snow was fun to play with. Training in the cold certainly hadn’t been any fun at all.</p><p>“I’m sure I’ll hate it again once we have it, but for now I just want anything but the constant heat. Especially up on that mountain.”</p><p>“So no cuddling until it’s colder then?”</p><p>They squabbled through the night and the next morn, before finally deciding to call it a day early afternoon after, when Fili just couldn’t go on anymore.</p><p>Once everything was put up, and they were as safe as they could make it, Fili pulled Kili close, warmth and teasing be darned. Kili came easily, though he insisted he wouldn’t sleep just yet, keeping a lookout instead. But he carded his fingers through Fili’s hair just so, and Fili found himself purring, sleep finding him with a content smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a good thing neither the dragon nor the firebird had given them a time frame - they wouldn’t have been able to keep it.</p><p>Endless steppes made way for sparse forests, villages cropping up in the distance. They didn’t stop to visit, as much as a warm bed and a good ale would have been appreciated. It wasn’t like they had any gold to spare anymore - or whatever the people here used for currency - and trying to ply their wares in a foreign country they didn’t speak the language of didn’t seem like a good use of their time.</p><p>Or so Fili insisted at least. Kili assumed he didn’t want the requests for sex toys and bigger dicks mimed out this time.</p><p>And it wasn’t like they weren’t used to it by now, half a year with no one but themselves and weird magical beasts to talk to.</p><p>Still, as much as Fili mended their clothes with magic - Kili had no idea if there was a limit to how often that was possible - and as well fed as Kili’s hunting kept them - he still wished for a real bed for once.</p><p>A real bed, a roaring fire, a hot bath. They always had enough water for cleaning and drinking - magic was useful like that - but that did them little good now.</p><p>Fate must have been laughing, for Fili got his snow. Lots and lots of it. The ground was frozen through, snow steadily piling up in every direction, and even their enchanted bedrolls were starting to strain to keep them dry and warm. The miles they used to cover everyday dwindled until it felt like they were moving little more than inches. Unfortunately, while Fili’s fire spells kept them warm, he insisted he would burn down the whole forest if he tried to clear them a path. </p><p>His red face might have been from the cold, but Kili figured there was a blush underneath anyway. Fili was incredible at some kind of magics, but surprisingly uncontrolled at others.</p><p>Kili thought about asking, but with the way Fili was cursing up a storm at the cold, looking like he actually considered burning the by now thick forest down, it was probably a question best left unanswered.</p><p>Eventually, with the last village they had seen two days past and the heavy, constant snowfall stealing their sight, they had to admit defeat.</p><p>“I can’t tell if we are missing clues to this towers location. We have to find shelter. Maybe a village, or a cave. Anything. We’ll have to wait out the storm.”</p><p>It wasn’t optimal, but while trying to sneak by anyone might be easier in this weather, not getting lost was definitely not. And they couldn’t risk that.</p><p>Fili cursed, rummaged around in his pack and pulled out something that looked like - chicken bones? No. A bit to big. Perhaps from one of the birds Kili had hunted them before?</p><p>“Why on earth would you keep those?”</p><p>“Scrying. It’s finicky and unhelpful but I’m not trudging back two days in the hope that we won’t get run out of the village. It’s not particularly helpful for needing any detailed answers, but-”</p><p>The bones seemed to almost dance in the air instead of falling, Fili’s attention fully taken up.<br/>
They fell. Most of them pointing in the same direction - something that might have been west, if they hadn’t been completely turned around by now. Or east. Depending on which side Fili was looking at.</p><p>“- they should at least point us to the nearest shelter. Better than wandering blind in this.”</p><p>Marking some of the tree’s, as well as tying a small, magic infused stone to a tree trunk as a beacon for where they had been, they followed the bones - which were already rapidly turning to ash and being swept away on the breeze. Kili cast a questioning look at Fili.</p><p>“Cost of magic. Half of my work in enchanting entails not having the items destroyed when the magic is used up, though I only bother if I’m working with something precious, like my dagger. No need to go to those lengths with a couple of bones though.”</p><p>Kili couldn’t suppress the bark of laughter. “We definitely couldn’t have stayed in Gemmera then. Would have had a shit ton of people after us when their pretty baubles suddenly disappeared! Do you think they’ll have by now? How long do they last?”</p><p>“Depends on how often they were worn, so it might take them a time to realize they weren’t just stolen. But I never promised they would keep forever, just that they would make them pretty. And they last much longer than anything else they might get. The last ones we sold might still be around, but it’s hard to say for the earlier ones - it’s been over a year by now after all.”</p><p>“What about mine? Will you need to remake them? I’ve gotten fond of them, and the claps works well to keep my hair back.”</p><p>But Fili just laughed. “Naw, don’t worry. As long as we travel together they’ll last - I keep refueling them from time to time. Maintenance doesn’t take much - but not everyone has a mage to do it.”</p><p>The bones at least had done their job - somewhat. The hut was obviously abandoned, door wide open, a human skeleton hanging inside. It had been there for a while already, judging from the decay, and how nature had tried to reclaim what was hers.</p><p>But the roof held, and the windows could be boarded up again. With a bit of work it might actually be somewhat cozy, even had a hearth and a big pot, black from soot, abandoned in the corner.</p><p>No food of course, but they still had plenty of their own, the deer Kili caught days past being more than enough for several days for two - and the cold kept it frozen through anyway, even if Fili hadn’t had a spell for that.</p><p>Fili made a good wife, with all that useful everyday magic - not that Kili would ever tell him that. As funny as Fili’s puffed up look of rage might be, Kili had no interest in sleeping alone again.</p><p>Especially considering how far they had come. Fili had eventually, wonder of wonders, stopped asking him about trying to check his emotions again, instead accepting what Kili was willing to talk to him about. And, despite Kili’s fears to the contrary, there had been no sign that Fili didn’t enjoy Kili’s attention. Kili still doubted it was quite the same for Fili as for him - Fili was happy with what Kili was willing to give him but the longing and frustration and <i>need</i> that boiled in Kili’s blood seemed lost on him.</p><p>But Fili enjoyed it. Let Kili know if something was more ticklish than nice - and yes, the ensuing tickle fight might not have been very mature but it was nice in it’s own way. Especially Fili’s indignation when he realized he couldn’t retaliate anymore. Kili used to be incredibly ticklish as a child, and that was not something he minded having lost in his training.<br/>
But most of all, Fili made it abundantly clear if he didn’t like a touch, or was bored with something.<br/>
Likewise, once Kili had given his tentative go ahead, Fili had explored him and what Kili might like with a focus that had taken Kili’s breath away. </p><p>Fili seemed to revel in making him feel good, and Kili couldn’t get enough of that wide, proud smile Fili wore whenever Kili came from his touch, the way he seemed to drink in every moan and gasp like a mark of honor.</p><p>It was good. It settled into their relationship as if it had always been meant to be there, and Kili was wondering if maybe it was time to try more, try to see if they would enjoy being that close again without any magic to bind them. It was easier to believe now, that Fili had meant it, wouldn’t have minded if they had moved faster. Kili was still glad they hadn’t.</p><p>Being close to Fili like that, taking the time, steadily learning each other in new ways had done more for settling his emotions and giving Kili some self confidence than any magical bond could ever have.</p><p>He finally trusted himself again. </p><p>His emotions weren’t going away, and Kili was glad about that, no matter how strong they were, but by talking about them openly they had lost their teeth, had become manageable.<br/>
And the strongest of them all had long since been his love for Fili. And he wasn’t afraid of that anymore.<br/>
So Kili made his plans while they shored up the house, adding some protections to prevent cave ins, their usual traps and wards, some cleaning to make it livable for now.<br/>
After they set up their bedrolls in front of the roaring fire, the cold for once only an afterthought, Kili asked again. One last time. Fili’s answer remained the same. This time, Kili believed him.</p><p>They kissed and touched and made love the whole night. Fili fell asleep in his arms, a soft smile on his lips, and Kili felt his heart swell so much he feared it might burst, overflowing with the best kind of emotions.</p><p>Perhaps sharing them wasn’t so scary anymore. He hadn’t influenced Fili and Fili had still said yes. And they had both enjoyed that emotional connection, sharing their love that way. Fili especially.<br/>
If the storm held, Kili silently promised, he would bring it up tomorrow.<br/>
There could never be too many ways to share their love after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://patchworkideas.tumblr.com/post/611327740713615360/invictus-patchworkideas-the-hobbit-all-media">My Tumblr</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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